What? I was just "talking" about that! And then it was time to prepare myself for the bad news. Cardiac Arrest. They were reporting they had to do CPR in the ambulance. I knew nothing good could come of it. I ate after my workout, sent a text to my friend about plans that evening at 5:23pm and when I went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, I wished "good luck" to the doctor who would have to call it--time of death.
5:26pm
This whole situation has brought up a lot of feelings. First it was shock, then sadness, disbelief and even joy. His music has been blasting around my neighborhood and my apartment. I haven't stopped dancing. That's the joy. There's also spiritual, metaphysical, philosophical insights that have popped into my psyche. Like I said, I always thought about the day this would happen, but I just thought Michael Jackson would...disappear or fade away. I can't explain it any better than that. I was a little freaked out about my premonition of this happening, as it happened. I let out the initial angst when I spoke to my mother and a friend on the telephone during the 6 o'clock hour. How did I know? Why did I know? They told me I shouldn't go out that night, that it might be a sign. But now, 5 days later, I'm straddling acceptance and denial. Not denial that he's gone, but its more a question of "really?" I had a hard time accepting that his heart just stopped. Just stopped. I think I would've been more accepting of an external force/accident causing his death. I have a hard time accepting that the body just fails. That's just my love of the body and knowledge of how it works.
I could go on and on about my theories or thoughts--he was 50 years old, his words during his last announcement of his tour ("This is it--my final curtain call..."), his common name, his physical appearance, he's a Virgo, the fact that his children are Black and White, the message of his music. I had my red leather jacket and my sparkling white glove back in the day. My mother called me on Friday because she was remembering how I would wear my Michael Jackson ensemble day after day, even fight with her to sleep in it some nights. I still love the song "Wanna Be Starting Something" and I remember being so excited cause I thought he was speaking "Nigerian" at the end. I've been revisiting his songs and discovering new music. As an adult, the music is more than just a good beat sung by a cute guy. His music, even the angry songs are about love, peace, equality and unity. We're all the same, we need to love one another. How lucky are we that his music touched the world? On NBC Nightly News they were showing a montage of Michael Jackson celebrations around the world last week--prisoners in the Philippines, people gathering in the streets of Moscow, Tokyo, Baghdad singing and dancing to his music. In a time of a lot of war and global turmoil, it all seemed to stop. I was amazed at footage of a Sikh dancing alongside Whites and Blacks. I love the song "Can You Feel It" by the Jackson 5. I could dance naked in the street to that song. Listening and dancing to it is as close as I've come to "catching the spirit" I think. For those six minutes, no one is with me and everyone is with me. The ultimate in loving your fellow man--All the colors of the world should be loving each other wholeheartedly...cause we're all the same the blood inside of me is inside of you. I don't think he ever mentions a god in his music (there's "Heaven Can Wait" and the crucifix stance he held, most notably in "Man in the Mirror", but his music wasn't overly "preachy") and I think that's the point. He gave himself to us.
No, I didn't want Michael Jackson to die, but I do believe he served his purpose. For that artistic ability to be bestowed upon him naturally, is a sign. His entire life was spent creating and entertaining. What he did in his private life remains unknown but his stage presence and music were everything.
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