M_______________Accepts With Pleasure

I’m very dismayed that I have yet to receive a wedding invitation this season. Don’t let my quest for a divorce fool you, I really do enjoy weddings. Last May, I went to a friend’s wedding and had my girlie moments from the start: Was my dress ok? Did my booty jiggle obscenely as I traipsed in my heels? Would my strapless bra stop resting on my stomach? –you know, the usual concerns.

I find it very moving when two people pledge their love for one another in front of family, friends, friends of friends, wedding crashers and their god with so much gusto. They look optimistically to a future of pure bliss. Even the low times are predicted through a rose-colored crystal ball. It gives a sense that there really is hope in the world. I love to watch the groom more than the bride. It’s expected that she’ll have an unbelievable glow, the dress will fit her flawlessly and there may be a slight quiver to her lip or tear in her eye. Weddings are thought of being the brides’ big day.

So that’s why I watch the grooms. I get more misty-eyed watching their reaction when they first lay eyes on their bride. This is a woman they’ve seen countless times, even dressed up and made up, but never like on their wedding day. And that touches me to no end. “Oh my goodness, she looks so beautiful” is written all over their face You’ll see some grooms who look like they want to run down the aisle, grab their brides and never let go.

Brief wedding ceremonies are my favorite. The real show is at the reception. Folks let loose, take off their shoes and drink. It’s a prom for adults with all the staged photos, gossip and inappropriate behavior. The wedding reception gives me an opportunity to partake in one of my favorite pastimes—people watching.

If I’m at a wedding of a co-worker or someone I’m not particularly that close with, the wedding is usually the first time I see or meet the family and it’s nice to find out if how I pictured them in my mind matches the actual person. I love to watch which male guests are clearly at the reception for the single ladies. The children hamming it up on the dance floor can be entertaining. I always wanna know why certain guests were seated at the reject table.

And,

I’ve never been to a wedding with bad food. Man… the cocktail hour, and then the 3 or 4 courses at the formal dinner… (insert Homer Simpson drool here)

The planning and detail that goes into making a wedding a happy occasion is unreal. I remember researching the basics of wedding invitations and vows for a screenplay I wrote back in ’03 and my head was spinning. On top of that, I was writing a gay wedding so that made research even more…tedious. If there are people out there willing to spend 10’s or 100’s of thousands of dollars on a wedding, I’m more than happy to attend. A friend and I were talking about the fact that wedding invitations are few and far between nowadays and she pointed out that people our age aren’t getting married like they used to. They either elope or go to city hall (I must admit if I do it again, my next wedding will most likely be a non-traditional wedding), or they don’t get married at all. She definitely had a point. Many of us are waiting to get married and start a family so maybe ten years from now there will be a flood of wedding invitations. But until then, I need my fix. Anyone looking for a wedding date? Hit me up. I’m a great conversationalist (talker, listener, laugher), ain’t bad on the dance floor and I can handle my liquor. Brides and grooms-to-be, if you want to fill up your side of the church, please consider me for your next event. I will refer to your registry and bring a present, or at the very least, a check.