Ask Abbie: Am I Pretty In Panties?

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He has a secret to tell his girlfriend of 5-months. Will his honesty result in an end of the relationship?

Panty Pete Asks:

Well due to things that happened in my youth, I have sexual issues, in particular a panty fetish. Not sure how or if I should tell the new gf about it.... Would love to be able to wear panties in front of her, and yes I have worn hers here and there. We have been together like 5 months...I will miss her panty collection


Last gf that found me in panties basically broke it off. I tend to be femme in the bedroom. And have bi tendencies...



Being with woman I am more dom but lately I need to give up control and need a man. I do want my gf, just from time to time I wanna be with a man.. No interest in being in a relationship with a guy.

I see my bf on the side... Very very hung. He's an older dom guy that uses me as his girl from time to time...  I love her but I still like men as well...  She doesn't know about the boy on the side...

Ask Abbie Answers:

Bring it up in a situation completely separate from a sexual interaction between the two of you. Maybe next time you go shopping (Victoria Secret or wherever) while she's picking out panties, you pick some out and ask her about them. If/when she says she doesn't like them you clarify that you meant for you, that you'd like to wear them, what does she think etc and gauge her reaction. Your experiences from your past are the reason for the fetish so that would have to be explained as well, but it doesn't change your attraction for her, sexually or otherwise. Just explain it to her without being defensive and give her time to process it.


But you have to tell your girlfriend sooner than later. Makes more sense to be your true self with your partner, whoever they are. I can understand being nervous about telling her because she might break it off but you're never going to be totally happy or comfortable if you don't tell her. And if she happens to find out down the line the whole "why didn't you tell me?" issue will come up. There are women who are comfortable dating bisexual men. Who knows, your girlfriend might be one of them.


Now to your boyfriend. Where you are right now in life you don't want to be in an emotional relationship with a man but you do want the sexual relationship.  If you're not exclusive with your girlfriend, then you can date men too. But she deserves to know because you are choosing her to be your primary partner. She should know who you are and you should be with someone who knows and accepts all aspects of you. Focus on that. Be happy!


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I'm happy to report that Panty Pete contacted me after we had our exchange:

"Talked to her last night went way better than I thought! Omg went toy and panty shopping. And she met my bf."

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If you have a dating & relationship, sex, fitness, health, nutrition or body image question, send it to AskAbbie AT abigailekue DOT com or fill out the form on my website About page or Written Word page.