Ask Abbie: Married Man Wants To Be Someone's Little Maid

Seeking A Submissive Role Asks:

I need advice on why I always have these thoughts that run through my mind. I am a married white male in my mid forties that has a normal life but I always have thoughts about being dressed up in lingerie and playing a submissive role to a woman or a couple. I always have thoughts about being someone's little maid and doing everything for them. Why is it that I always think about this stuff?

Ask Abbie Answers:

It's clear you think about this because you have submissive fantasies that you haven't been able to act out yet. In your mind, how is dressing in lingerie and being submissive related? Perhaps you connect submission with being "feminine" or "weaker" as some still refer to women as the "weaker sex". It's not unusual for people who are in charge in their day-to-day lives to seek out submissive roles in their private lives. It offers a sense of security, letting someone else be in charge of what to do, when and where to do it -- it can be very freeing.


In your case, I'm not sensing this is something you want or need strictly for sexual arousal or release. Your desire to do everything for a woman or couple could be that you're seeking approval. You want to be needed by someone, to take care of someone and in return receive their appreciation and gratitude. I don't know know if any of that is resonating with you, but if it is, I'm glad I could help.


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Well, Mr. Seeking A Submissive Role emailed me back. Apparently I did help...and he wanted more.

Seeking A Submissive Role: 

I think you are very right in what you say for me serving a woman is not all about sex. What do I do and what is the next step?

Ask Abbie Answers Again:

Well is there any way you'd be able to introduce this dynamic into the relationship with your wife? If so, start there. I don't know your marriage dynamic. If your wife isn't interested you first have to realize that if you enter into a D/s arrangement with someone that does involve sex, your wife may consider that cheating and that's a whole new issue. Even if you don't have sex with your D/s partner and your wife finds out, that may be considered cheating to her too and you'll have to explain that. Once there's deceit and lack of consent, there's cheating.


But if you have a relationship with your wife where you can be someone's sub then perhaps you have a friend in mind that you're already considering this with. There are also websites you can find someone suited for this arrangement -- Fetlife is one. You can try the forum At Her Feet too. Some you may be able to enter into for free others you'll have to pay, so consider that too.

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