Can't Blame It On The Alcohol

I can honestly say no sexual intercourse took place in this bed. It was after 2am, we'd met at a cocktail lounge, kissed in the cab and I marveled at the Danish he spoke in a slight British accent that escaped out his Colombian-tanned complexion.


I don't have drunk sex. I rarely have tipsy sex. I stated that fact when he invited me back to his hotel. And I told him again about half-hour later when he told me the invite still stood. Sex is very physical for me. I'm not the type to just lie there. Alcohol is a depressant. I just want to (try to) sleep after I drink. I also want to remember who, what, where, when and how. So I don't do drunk hook-ups.


Do you have any sex-alcohol rules? Do you have the willpower to stop if faced with temptation? Do you remember everything you've ever done and with whom?


The only thing I can blame alcohol for is sex not happening. That bed was very comfortable, the bedding blindingly white and I only needed one pillow, they were so plush. The Colombian-Dane respected my decision despite his desire. And I still have respect for myself.

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Germ Warfare On The Social Sphere

I woke up on Friday morning feeling dry. Dry on the inside. Not "female dryness" (I hope to never have that problem) but nasotracheal dryness. I don't get sick often, but when I do, I know it's coming. And I'm pretty aware of how or when the virus invaded my body.


I was out the night before at the Bust Magazine Sex Issue release event. There was a vodka open bar and everyone was evicted from their personal space. The mixing and mingling spilled onto Delancey with French men and to the pizza shop with...


We can't avoid other people all the time - we still have interactions in the flesh. We're exposed to all things contagious - yawning, laughter and conjunctivitis. And that can take down the best social butterflies.

Fluid Retention

Sprawled out on the bench, legs cocked up on the handrails and spread eagle, without sufficient underwear, a bunch of grapes barely covering the crotch, incoherent rambling. 

That was the sight on my subway ride home at about 1:30 in the morning. A drunk woman. There's nothing more unattractive. Yes, I'm going to display a double-standard. I don't like drunk men either and especially not drunk drivers(!), but you know what, for the walking drunk, I'm more accepting of men making fools of themselves. Belligerent drunk men can walk into oncoming traffic if they so choose. But for a woman to get to that point... Where is your couth? Your grace? I'm not anti-alcohol. I love me some vodka and tequila, Baileys, white wine, champagne etc. Having a few drinks with friends is great. I'm a social drinker. After my first sip, I become intoxicated - not only from the alcohol but from the company. People intoxicate me (some more than others...you know who you are) 

The one time I threw up due to drinking was very surprising and uncomfortable. In between heaves into the toilet, I pleaded, "Why is this happening to me?" I wasn't even drunk! I've been around women whose main objective when they go out is to get wasted and have that moment on the toilet! Why would you do that to yourself? Vomiting is so uncomfortable! And I'll never comprehend drinking so much that I have no memory of the night before. Drinking is a veil for many a lonely soul. What's so bad in your life that you're trying so hard to forget? Will the STDs or unplanned pregnancy be worth it? Do you get drunk because it'll help you open up and talk to people or enjoy the party more? Maybe you're just a shy person. Constantly getting drunk aint gonna help you. Then the feigned shame - oh my god, I can't believe I did that! Yeah, bitch, but you're gonna do it again next weekend. So shut up.