Masters of Sex

Ah sex. We love it, don't we? In 1956 America, folks were doing it but not for reasons we may think.


The thought that a woman could enjoy sex simply because and not need love to go along with it was unheard of.


Sex, no matter if it's for the sake of science, was considered smut.

Greendale Community College

I had been slowly falling out of love with Community. I didn't know what was going on this season (and the latter part of Season 2). The episodes just weren't the same. It was as though they felt they had to place the characters in outrageous or "meta" situations to keep the show interesting.


In my opinion, what works for a television show about a study group in community college is to keep the cast and storylines in the community college. I thought we were going back to that formula at the beginning of Season 3 with the introduction of the new Bio professor, Professor Kane (Michael K. Williams from Boardwalk Empire) who merely wanted to know what happened to Lego people while he was in prison.


The first season (and part of the second season) worked because we saw characters go through their arcs in various episodes, dynamic relationships were developed, opponents were revealed...and the episodes were on campus; new characters were introduced to add to the group dynamic (Jack Black harmonizing cracks me up every time), the school dances were perfect for getting all the characters together and working out subplots or having more hilarity ensue, I still sing "Getting rid of Brita" and "Pierce, you're a B", paintball was classic, Halloween, the blanket fort, debate ("Man is evil!"), pottery class, the chicken finger "family", the game of strip pool, Dungeons and Dragons, the STD fair, the Human Being was born then all of a sudden Pierce became a crotchety evil genius, Abed made eye contact and Troy seemed to gain all this life insight; what the hell?

The Much Needed Book Job

It's been a long time since I've related to and enjoyed an episode of The Simpsons (I didn't even get all the references in "The Food Wife" and that's saying something). I've always loved the show for it's social commentary and satire. Being a fan of ensemble heist films (Ocean's Eleven and The Italian Job top the list), and a writer, I smiled throughout the entire episode, "The Book Job".


I don't read young adult lit and I don't like vampires but I know everyone and their nephew's half-sister's neighbor's uncle's personal trainer is into vampires. I had flashbacks to the Book Expo America and the world of book junkies and author groupies. And I felt Lisa's pain when she realized who was receiving book deals and writing best-sellers (a dog? Tyra Banks?).

I Didn't Ask To See Your Penis

Note: The above was NOT forcibly removed
"Storm Drain", Man. Toy.

These men...no matter how old, they just love to whip it out

That's a text message I received from a girlfriend after I told her I'd received a dick pic seconds before. I replied to her: Yeah! It's like their badge or something!


Men and their penises.

They love to show them off.

Even when you didn't plead to see it.

Even if they've never met you.

Frasier Meets 3rd Rock From The Sun

I would love to see Dick Solomon (John Lithgow, 3rd Rock from the Sun) and Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer, Frasier) meet one another. I think their character dynamic would be very entertaining and competitive. Just imagine all the polysyllabic chest-pounding!


Setting:
Seattle, Washington circa 1999


Premise:
Dick Solomon and his family, Sally, Harry and Tommy are new tenants in the Elliot Bay Towers. But how/why do they meet? Dick is a new member or Frasier's wine club, or Frasier is giving a psychiatry talk at the same university Dick where teaches.


Character Dynamics:

Both Frasier and Dick are pompous, multilingual and intelligent but Dick's naivete about Earth and total lack of respect for personal space would become glaringly obvious to Frasier. He interprets it as some sort of psychiatric problem that he must diagnose and treat. Dick mistakes Frasier's interest as friendship but when Frasier begins to label him and insist something is wrong with him, Dick is offended (Nothing is wrong with my brain! My brain is far superior to yours!) and the competitive nature of their relationship begins.

Raising My Hopes With Bob's Anuses

I caught up on TV shows Thursday and Friday night with one of my Hulu marathons. Two shows stood out to me this week - Bob's Burgers and Raising Hope.


The episode opens as Bob and his children are on an art crawl. I went on a gallery crawl on Thursday in Chelsea. I can't say the art I saw was "really, really bad". I gained some inspiration from the PAT: Unseen, unheard, unexplained exhibit at the Thomas Erben Gallery. I ended up at Chelsea Market afterwards and gazed at self-portraits by Kerry Skarbakka. The following day, I learned of the Nue York exhibit opening next month and was invited to the Freedom to Create show at the Ana Tzarev Gallery (If you've never been to that gallery, I encourage you to visit. It's a beautiful space). I need to make my next solo photo exhibit a reality. It's time.


On Bob's Burgers "Art Crawl", Bob's sister-in-law, Aunt Gail (that didn't go unnoticed), hangs a series of paintings of animal anuses in his restaurant. The family and patrons were offended by the art but couldn't tell her. Too much for a dining establishment? Or just too much?

Scalpels, Injections And Porn

The rich embark on week-long surgery safaris. The not-so-rich make appointments in hotel rooms or "clinics" in someone's kitchen.

I knew I'd find a reason to tell you that I read Beauty Junkies by Alex Kuczynski last year. Unfortunately it came at the expense of Claudia Aderotimi. She felt the only way to achieve her dream of being a video vixen was to get butt implants. It's tragic all around that she lost her life trying to become a Hottentot. She's not the first and unfortunately, she probably won't be the last to risk her life for "beauty".

Ancient Aliens

We've all been here before. No, not to my blog (although I appreciate the new and return visitors), but to this world, Earth. That's the belief of ancient astronaut theorists. They have found clues in religious texts and at certain locations around the globe to explain some of the human scientific breakthroughs, plagues and major events in human history.

Aliens, who are believed to be evolved humans, have visited this planet and planted seeds for our development and survival. Some of us receive these messages in dreams or via abduction. I would say those people are the "Chosen People" but that would be inflammatory language, now wouldn't it?

SBF Seeks Alpha Male

I haven't worn a bra in weeks. I lost mine. I own others but I just don't feel like wearing those. I have a love-hate relationship with bras. So when I find one that I actually like, I hold on because she holds me. I lost my bra because a man told me to take it off. Why did I take it off because he told me? Because he told me to.

I was slightly intoxicated and accepted a ride from a friend. Seconds after entering his vehicle he turned to me and told me he'd been thinking about hooking up for a while. I was surprised but I continued to listen.

"So this is what's gonna happen. I'm gonna drive you someplace first and then I'll take you home." He turned to face the road and pulled out of the parking space. If I didn't know him, I could've called the police for fear of being abducted.

Chris Hansen Caught Another One

FADE IN:

STONE PHILLIPS

A warning, some of what you are about

to see and hear is explicit.

INT. KITCHEN – CONDO – NIGHT

ABIGAIL enters. She looks around the modern kitchen, impressed with the digs. She walks by the stove, running her fingers along the steel surface. She stops in front of the fridge. She studies the LCD screen on the door.

CHRIS HANSEN enters wearing a black sports jacket over a brown turtleneck carrying a small stack of papers.

CHRIS HANSEN

That’s a pretty impressive fridge,

isn’t it?

Abigail turns to him and nods.

ABIGAIL

Yeah, is that a control panel or

an actual TV?

Chris posts up next to the center island. Abigail eyes him with intense sexual interest. He places the papers down on the countertop.

CHRIS HANSEN

(motions to a

 bar stool)

Why don’t you go ahead and have

a seat?

Pedophilia Mammalia

No Photo

Will Be

Available

You know how much I love Law & Order: SVU. Like a lot. Like, I'm gonna write an episode one day. The last episode to air entitled, "Possessed", didn't disappoint. I think that show is a great study of human behavior and psychology with a cast that is very easy on the eyes.


But anyway, I sat watching that episode wrapped in my Snuggie with my brow furrowed in anger and disgust at the overweight pedophile salivating over little girls and the old defendant smugly walking out of court again. His defense: his books were fiction and therefore he could not be charged with conspiracy even though a pedophile used his books as "instruction manuals". Interesting. Write about anything you want, as long as it's fiction and you're protected under the First Amendment?

Made In Haiti

The Simpsons have always bitten the hand that's fed them and that opening sequence was the most visual, direct... biting  at 20th Century FOX that I can remember. There have been digs at anything FOX related throughout the series - 

• Homer and Marge go on a reality TV show, Mother Flippers, after winning a no-expenses paid trip to Fox Studios 
• After Kent Brockman gets fired for cursing on the air, Lisa encourages him to reveal how Fox news gets money to the Republican party by airing racy, tasteless shows on Fox Network.

Chime in with the ones you can remember, I'm drawing a blank...


Now back to the opening sequence. The images of workers deep in the "sweatshops" which resembled coal mines is too close to the truth. I thought about the Chilean miners and I thought about @TastyKeish. On the Friday before this episode of The Simpsons aired, I went to the 40 Acres and a Mule Filmworks office to pick up my prize package for this contest I won (I'll get to that later). One of the items was a commemorative Michael Jackson T-shirt. I  looked at the tag to check the size and noticed it was a Hanes Beefy-T "MADE IN HAITI". I tweeted the info to TastyKeish and expressed that some of the same concerns she had popped into my mind as well. Were the workers treated fairly, working in safe conditions and paid a living wage? U.S. clothing companies are encouraged to source 1 percent of their clothing production from Haiti. Let's hope that doesn't give them license to take advantage of those they should be helping.


I did a very quick web search to see what I could read about "hanes beefy t made in haiti". There were message board comments about the shirts being made in Haiti and insults about "that should tell you about the quality", other people complained they couldn't get any answers from Hanes (Sara Lee) about their policies and practices. 


I also came across this tweet from @mattnedostup: 
Turns out my Hanes Beefy-T was made in Haiti, so it looks like I contributed to the earthquake relief effort after all!


Wouldn't that be great if it were totally true? There are t-shirts sold where the proceeds go to the Earthquake relief or in some instances you donate to the relief effort and get a t-shirt. According to Hanes, this is what they did do to help. 

Everything Old Is New Again...And Still Kinda Old

I watched The Expendables about 2 weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon (I should note I started scribbling this blog right after I watched it) and marveled at how old Dolph Lundgren looked every time he was on the screen. 


Arnold Schwarzenegger's (or the Governator's as my friend called him) cameo didn't help the situation. These men are growing old right before my eyes. On the following Monday, I saw the commercial for Red and that's when it clicked and I tweeted: The Expendables and now Red -- I see where Hollywood is going.


Everything old is new again. I don't mean the endless remakes but the actors and the eras. Aside from Sylvester Stallone's eyebrows, it was refreshing to see people who actually looked 50 or 60 years old on screen. Side note: I enjoyed the return to a good old-fashioned shoot-em-up movie. I recently finished reading Beauty Junkies by Alex Kuczynski and the extent of plastic surgery in Hollywood and because of Hollywood is disheartening. (not taking anything away from her talent, but the over-saturation of Betty White is a sign that there just aren't that many older actress in Hollywood. And Cloris Leachman is doing her thing on Raising Hope! Who else could they have cast?

Geez, Glee!

"Shut up!"


Sue Sylvester to Rachel and Sunshine, the new exchange student, singing in the bathroom.


That's exactly how I felt! Why were they singing? Musicals have always been inherently corny to me. But I had some wonderful moments watching Glee last season. Even some teary-eyed moments as those kids sang there way to Regionals. But geez, during the first quarter of the season premiere I said to myself I don't know if I can watch this season. I felt weird watching them perform "Empire State of Mind". Maybe I'm just getting too old for it. Any time they sing a current Top 40 hit, (is there still a Top 40?) I have no clue what song they're singing. They also referred to U2 as "classic rock" last season so maybe I'm still hurt by that.


I must say they are bold and pushing the envelope (like FOX tends to do) with all the racial, gender and sexual themes -- a female football coach (who I thought was Tanaka from last season after a sex change) named Beiste (pronounced "beast"), the young Steven Tyler look-a-like not sure how many balls he can fit into his big mouth (but I think he wants to fit something that belongs to Finn in his), etc. There are a lot of references to persons, places and things being gay and we can't forget the flamboyant gay guy who's into fashion with his fat, Black fag hag named Mercedes (a step-up or down from being named Lexus?). Last season, the clichés weren't so blaring to me, or maybe I just accepted them more. Television is a reflection and commentary of society. So I guess high school is just that mean-spirited, cruel and corny. Then I started thinking about the alternative high schools where everyone's "out"; boys, girls and bois -- what's the environment like in those schools?


Conclusion: Glee is a mature, satirical, after-school special - go figure. Knowing me, I'll probably still have Glee marathons to catch up on episodes on hulu. Besides, Nationals are gonna be in New York!


"Empire State of Mind" New Directions Style...

Strange Strokes

Another symbol of my generation passed last week - Gary Coleman. It was sad and I went on a Diff’rent Strokes binge for about two days after and I’m still laughing at what Marlon Wayans posted on Twitter (@MarlonLWayans). He said you know you’re cute when other kids think you’re cute. So true!! Gary Coleman (Arnold Jackson) was ADORABLE.

Last week, Coleman, 42, died of a brain hemorrhage after a fall in his home. When he slipped into a coma, he was taken off life support. I’m still angry and suspicious of the 911 call his wife made after the accident. You can’t predict how you’ll react in a crisis, it’s very common to go into shock, but that is why I need to be with, cohabitate etc. with someone who can save my life like I can save theirs; know CPR, basic First Aid, or have the presence of mind to go get help. What angered me most about the call was Shannon Price (disregarding the possible shock she was in) was useless and not helpful at all.

Inherent Danger

Aiyana Jones, 7-years old. Shot dead at home, in her sleep by police. This story saddens me. And of course enrages me. And was definitely a trigger for my musings, both emotional & rational and objective.

I don’t have children yet but I envision myself charging the police to protect my child and ending up dead myself or imprisoned for assault on a police officer in a situation like that. I understand the training police undergo; if they feel threatened they defend themselves. After identifying themselves as police, and if the suspect is armed or poses a threat, and if the decision is made to discharge their weapons, they aim for center mass. This was clearly not the case in this situation. They were searching for a murder suspect. They obtained a no-knock warrant. Detroit police wanted to surprise and ambush the suspect so he wouldn’t be able to flee. That much is understandable. Only that.

My first thought after learning they were filming The First 48 while this atrocity took place was, “Let’s pray the unaltered footage ends up in the right hands.” The public doesn’t need to view what in essence is a snuff film, but the truth needs to come out. Reality TV was bound to kill someone sooner or later.

Blackout

This past Sunday night I took a shower in the dark. I left the bathroom door open (I know, totally messed with the Feng Shui of my apartment) so it wasn’t complete darkness. I had already started soaping up when I thought it would be cool if I lit some candles. A shower by candlelight... My mind quickly went from romance, to necessity then back to romance. Let me explain how my mind works. I see things like scenes from a movie or television show. An entire scene will flash across my mind’s eye, with different camera angles, lighting and music.

“Ooh, a shower by candlelight.” then

“This is how I’d have to shower during a blackout.”

Remember blackouts, NY? (not trying to jinx it) Who would I want to be stranded with during a blackout? Not that we have to take shower together but if you enjoy someone’s company, no need to apologize for it (Ha!)...

To Kill Or Not To Kill

You have 25 seconds to decide whether to shoot the person you love in the head or heart or to die. What do you do?

I watched the episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent (Abel & Willing) with my heart in my throat thinking about what I would do. It even had me questioning my previous stance of killing someone in self-defense. I started my self-exploration while watching the episode at the “easier” end of the spectrum. I figured, well, if it were a complete stranger sitting across from me, or someone “evil” it would be easier to pull the trigger. A loved one? A family member? The thought still makes my stomach hurt. I can only imagine the pain the people were in who “choose to shoot” (CTS) and the fear and helplessness of the person who looked at their husband or wife pleading for their life.

The villain in the episode conducted the socio-psychological experiment because his family went through a similar ordeal at the hands of the Nazis. The point was to prove that all human behavior is self-serving and freedom of choice is contrary to human nature. In his experiments, he removed all outside factors and came to the conclusion that if the choice is simplified—their life or someone else’s, humans will always choose survival.

10 Year Old Golden Girl

Conway Twitty had stiff hair? I didn't even know there was a Conway Twitty until Family Guy. Apparently he used lots of mousse in his hair. I learned that from watching Golden Girls this morning. They're running marathons on Hallmark Channel in tribute to Bea Arthur. I haven't watched the Golden Girls since I was about 10 years old. Its interesting that watching an old show with older women can take me back to my youth.  

What I remember is how that show made me feel. Cozy. All the pastel wardrobes and decor. I did not fear or dread getting older. It looked fun. It also showed me that it's common for women to outlive their men and it was okay to be single at that age, you always had your friends. I would think about eating cake in the kitchen in the middle of the night in the company of friends to make me feel better. At that age they were still dealing with men/relationship issues. Blanche sauntering into a scene giving just enough information about her sex life (enough for a 10 year old to catch on). Doe-eyed Rose dated too. 

I wonder what it will be like to watch the show through wiser eyes now. I have a lot of Golden Girls memories. I'll be revisiting those memories through the marathon. There was also comfort in seeing Dorothy with Sophia. As a child, it made me feel like mothers lived forever.

Monk And Me

I have a crush on Tony Shaloub. You know, the actor who plays Monk. I'm sad the show is ending this year. I still get my fix during the day-long marathons on USA. I do feel sorry for Sharona and Natalie sometimes when they have to deal with Monk's OCD.

OCD is a serious, debilitating mental disorder. But the term has leaked into everyday language to describe minor quirks. What are you OCD about?