How Are You So Sure? Because the Universe Provides

"How are you so sure?" I asked a friend that question, in awe of his certainty that he's where he's meant to be in life and will get every and anything he wants and needs.


He pointed to the walls of the studio where we sat and each poster on the wall had a story. He could recount all the laughs and tears and the gifts he received and things he lost. He expresses gratitude for all he has and goes through life fearlessly. Not to be confused with foolishly.

We were hanging out that day because I needed his energy. I always feel good in his presence. I feel heard and I'm guaranteed a piece of sage advice from him. 

I was on vacation a few weeks prior and questioning my direction in life. I was internalizing all the change in New York. There was this resistance in me against being the 'naked man photographer'. I was discouraged at my living situation and bank account balances. 

It's hard to look on the bright side at times and go forward knowing I will be taken care of. Even though I'm ten years removed, depression has rewired my brain. My usually optimistic, determined nature is sometimes shattered with hopelessness, despair and fear.

My Personal New Year

I celebrate my Personal New Year today. My Solar Return.

All day I can't help smiling from ear to ear when I hear the newscaster announce the day and date on the radio - Thursday, November 15.

Whoo-hoo!

My vision board consists of post-its on my wall. I add and subtract as needed. I've never had an "official" board, but I always make lists or write notes, have certain themes that recur in my journal entries and things I wish for constantly.

This year I will continue to exercise, learn new skills (je suis etudient francais pour quand je visite Paris), push past my comfort zone and fears, live by my moral code; be my authentic self. I also have a million dollar check to cash as a reward for following my dreams. Yes, travel is on the board too.

The past few months, Buddhism has been popping up all around me. I realized there are parts of that philosophy that I am familiar with. I started my new year celebrations by visiting a Buddhist center. A friend was gracious enough to show myself and a friend around. It coincided with the solar eclipse new moon.

I'll use synchronicities as guides. I will remain aware of them, open to them and proactive with them. Two minutes after my solar return, I received an email about the release of an erotic photography book. They continue.

I might add that at the moment of my return, I noted it in my journal and continued doing something I truly enjoy -- eating.

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