Ask Abbie: Is it OK to Hold Her Hand?

(Source)

Souls connecting... so why not hold hands?

Hand-Holding Harry:

Hey i need your advice ..it's something personal.
I am married but stay alone in US.
I met a friend who is single.
I have a strong affection towards her and she feels that there is some connection of souls when we meet or talk.
I am 40 years Asian. She is Asian too..may be early 30s.
How can i tell her that I like her and I feel to sit with her at a cafe or watch a movie
and hold hands together...not really looking for sex..
pls advice how to approach...

How Are You So Sure? Because the Universe Provides

"How are you so sure?" I asked a friend that question, in awe of his certainty that he's where he's meant to be in life and will get every and anything he wants and needs.


He pointed to the walls of the studio where we sat and each poster on the wall had a story. He could recount all the laughs and tears and the gifts he received and things he lost. He expresses gratitude for all he has and goes through life fearlessly. Not to be confused with foolishly.

We were hanging out that day because I needed his energy. I always feel good in his presence. I feel heard and I'm guaranteed a piece of sage advice from him. 

I was on vacation a few weeks prior and questioning my direction in life. I was internalizing all the change in New York. There was this resistance in me against being the 'naked man photographer'. I was discouraged at my living situation and bank account balances. 

It's hard to look on the bright side at times and go forward knowing I will be taken care of. Even though I'm ten years removed, depression has rewired my brain. My usually optimistic, determined nature is sometimes shattered with hopelessness, despair and fear.

The Power of I Am

When I began corresponding with a new friend in São Paulo he said he was single. Wanting firsthand knowledge of the namorar-social scene there, I shared Dating in Brazil Vs USA: Paquerar & Namorar and he agreed with some of what was said about how relationships are "conducted" Brazil.


A few emails later he told me about his girlfriend. So I was curious -- does he consider himself single because he's not legally married? I know there are people who consider themselves single even if they're dating someone. Dating is the process of getting to know someone until you decide if you want something more "serious" or "committed" or to take things to the "next level". You can date more than one person. By law, in the US, it's illegal to be married to more than one person. But here the majority of people don't consider themselves "single" if they're dating only one person.

Ask Abbie: Married Man Wants To Be Someone's Little Maid

Seeking A Submissive Role Asks:

I need advice on why I always have these thoughts that run through my mind. I am a married white male in my mid forties that has a normal life but I always have thoughts about being dressed up in lingerie and playing a submissive role to a woman or a couple. I always have thoughts about being someone's little maid and doing everything for them. Why is it that I always think about this stuff?

Baby's First Look

This morning, half way between awake and sleep I was having one of my visions. I differentiate those from lucid dreams because I'm clearly conscious and thinking. Anyway, in this vision I was changing my baby's diapers. She had both hands in her mouth, cooing away, relishing the feeling of the cool baby wipe over her booty and baby coochie. Just chilling.


When I put her legs down, she looked at me. She stopped moving her saliva-covered hands and looked at me. I looked back down at her.

Ask Abbie: I Don't Want To Be My Girlfriend's Boyfriend's Girlfriend

Not Feeling My Girlfriend's Boyfriend Asks:

I'm bisexual and am in relationships with a man (my boyfriend of a little over a year) and a woman (which started as a platonic friendship but grew into a physical relationship as time went on). I was very open with each of them from the beginning about my orientation and my feelings, and both of my partners have always been accepting, comfortable even, with things.

Over time, they became close as well, something that I have encouraged, and we've reached a point at which our overall relationship is polyamorous. This does NOT involve threesomes; instead, at times he and I do things together, or she and I, or he and she (including sleeping together). We all communicate openly about plans, and we all live alone, so rather than the situation being awkward, it has actually been really nice. 

We have rules about dating "outsiders" and safe sex, of course. My gf has been dating another guy (again, all on the up and up: he knows about us, and we about him) for the past several weeks. At first, things were cool, but lately he has been pushing to join our relationship, that is, to have an intimate relationship with me. But I'm not attracted to him emotionally (other than as a friend) or physically (he's a nice guy, but I don't want to sleep with him). It's awkward for me with him, and is causing a real strain in my gf's relationship with him, which is in turn causing stress between she and I, and I don't know what to do about it. Can you give me some insight/advice? Thank you in advance.

Dating in Brazil Vs USA: Paquerar & Namorar

I received the informative and timely email, Paquerar & Namorar, about the way Brazilians "flirt, hook up and hang out". I enjoy such social anthropological type-writings and only a 2 days prior, I'd met a dynamic Brasileira and our conversation landed on the topic of dating and  the what-to-do-whens.


I forwarded the email to my friend Danilo, a São Paulo native, and he confirmed that the article was very accurate. Some of the sentiments the Brasileira shared with me at the dinner party were included in the piece. The conclusion: the rules of love and dating apply to men and women.


I'm a hybrid of both worlds — USA and Brazil. Women and Men.

Ask Abbie: My Girlfriend Gained Weight And I've Lost Attraction

Not Attracted To My Girlfriend Asks:

I need some advice. A year later, I've watched my girlfriend gain quite a bit of weight, and admit I'm less attracted physically but also because she's completely in denial, thinking she takes great care of herself. I'm worried about her health. No exercise, shitty diet overall, and a lot of talk about doing this and being involved with that, etc. No action. I'm starting to feel mismatched because I do put in effort and am noticing that she almost weighs the same as me. Plus, I think she's a bit depressed but denies that, too. 


How do I state my concerns without being offensive? A future with her would be difficult because, if there were to be kids, I want them to learn decent habits and take initiative, not the opposite. And spare me the bullshit about loving regardless, as we know that's not applicable in all situations. There have to be others out there who have dealt with this, right? Appreciate all your thoughts.

Ask Abbie: Should I Say I Love You?

Gotta Get It Off My Heart Asks:

Been with my gf for a few months. Things have gotten fairly serious and are going great. Haven't felt this good about a relationship in years. I've come to realize that I've fallen head over heels in love with her. Except I can't bring myself to tell her. Not sure if she'll freak out and go running or what she may do. Would hate to ruin something that is going so well. But I'm about to explode by not confessing how I feel. What should I do? Take a chance and tell her or just wait till maybe some day she says it to me first? Any and all advice would be appreciated, thanks!!

He Said, She Said

I'm sharing this quick exchange. Part of scene from a story or screenplay? Dialogue with tension and conflict help move a story along, establish dynamic relationships, set up characters' likability and relatability. A "getting to know you" text exchange gone awry? 21st century relationships barely live but do die due to misread messages and, for some, the emoticons they deem necessary.

Why I Locked Them All Down

Back in the Saddle

Photograph by Daniel Dolpire

I think I made a huge mistake.


I jumped the gun when I locked down Boy Toy. Oxy is a helluva drug.


I wasn't wrong in locking him down. My mistake was thinking I'd want to lock him and only him down.

Slut Shaming, Miscommunication And Amazing Sex

Back in the Saddle

I saw George again. A week had passed since we'd last been together when I received a text from him during rush hour which read, "You must be in need of a massage later".


I will never decline his invites (as long as I'm free) due to his track record of sexing me down and his actual massages. We settled on the when and the what I should bring with me:  massage oil -- and condoms.

I'm working with a good stash so that wasn't an issue. The issue came moments later.

The Oxy Made Me Lock Him Down

Back in the Saddle

The "him" I locked down is in fact my Boy Toy. The entry  --"The Oxy Made Me Lock Him Down" -- from my Back in the Saddle series has been published in Senshēǝnt Magazine!

Senshēǝnt Magazine is for the 'sexually empowered woman' and allows access to a wealth of experience and information. Check out the magazine here! 

Join us on Facebook to share your personal experiences and expansion! 

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The Brief Wondrous Life of My FWB

Back in the Saddle

Our view from the water

Before George, before my Boy Toy, there was Fuddy.


To be really honest, our hookup was more for him than for me. I'd already vowed I was done providing the warm, healing embrace of my vagina to men who were going through shit, had issues, not up to par etc. Once you state something, it is so. I was also off the heels of the man I said I'd never do and had no intention on settling for sex of a lesser quality.


It turns out with Fuddy, once was enough. We can look back on it as the way we commemorated his 3-year anniversary of coming to NY and we have a hysterical memory to boot.

On Letting Him Come Over To My Place

Back in the Saddle

Chivas and condoms: After

It was like fucking Manuel Ferrara. Not that I've fucked Manuel Ferrara but I've watched enough of his movies and have been left exhausted by own French Manu in the past to get a pretty good idea what it'd be like.


While I was on top of my Italiano-Portoghese boy toy he held onto my breasts like handlebars. And the eye contact was the most intense I've had in a long time. I was afraid to blink! When he felt my body close around him he pulled me down on top of him and I was on the receiving end of those forceful upward thrusts I'm a sucker for. MS MR sang Bones while we boned.

He Only Plays with Pussies

Back in the Saddle

The first pussy he played with that day

It all started with his question: Want to meet? I was down. It'd been about a year since we'd last seen each other.


Wait, here's a little backstory:  I read an article about Bushwick and they mentioned his cafe. I sent him the text: Bonjour! Ca va? It's been a long time! I told him about the article I'd read, asked how he was, he asked if I wanted to meet, fast forward to:


I wasn't up for meeting him that Sunday night. He text me:  It will be hard to wait until tomorrow... I wanted to kiss you everywhere, to lick you everywhere...


Well, that's one thing he didn't lie about. I said I could meet him halfway, that I wasn't going to Bushwick etc. especially if it's late. He suggested brunch on Monday because that's his day off. I was game thinking it'd be at a restaurant. He text: We can have brunch at my place, I'm a cook, remember... Yes, i will pay for your cabs.. (I told him I wasn't taking the train out there). He asked me if I "prefer a shaved face or not". I told him I like facial hair to which he responded: So, I don't shave...

Armed and Protected

Back in the Saddle

My current condom stash with your occasional lube thrown in

I'm a condom-carrying member of the sexually active.


As I packed my bag before heading out for the night, I made sure my chapstick and lotion were accounted for, business cards and gum, threw out old receipts and flyers and made sure I had regular and extra large condoms, lubricated and not or ultra sensitive as Lifestyles like to call theirs. I also throw a couple Durex in there to give my Europeans a piece of home. The signature Magnum gold is a given. I haven't mastered female condoms yet (those things are slippery!) so I leave those home for now. I carry condoms in the same compartment with my pads and tampons. Just makes sense to me to keep all the Kitty products together.


Since I started having sex, I've always carried condoms. During my recent drought, my condoms taunted me in my bag, but they stayed put. I remember the sideways comment an ex made about why I was still carrying them even though we were together. "Dude, because we're fucking," I wanted to say but the young Abigail just screwed up her face and rolled her eyes.

Ask Abbie: Kidult Daugther Moved Back Home

Dad Asks:

Hi I am a middle aged man recently had my daughter (adult) show up on my doorstep. She wants to live with me because it will be cheap and convenient while she goes to grad school. If you have upfront advice can help. And maybe ongoing need.

Thanks Dad

Ask Abbie: You Say He's Just A Friend

Am I More Than A Friend Asks:

I'm a well established young woman with an ok job, good man and decent social life. I've always prided myself in keeping good company and my current closest friend Paul defines that. He's great to hang out with, chat on the phone, and comforts or cheers me up when needed. Sounds great doesn't it?

I should be happy but I feel guilty. The other day I had an issue at work and as soon as I got home, I called Paul. Not my boyfriend. Paul. I'm starting to feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend. I don't sneak around with Paul, and nothing's happened but I rarely bring up my convos with Paul to my boyfriend (sometimes he doesn't even know what's going on). I love my boyfriend and we talk, emote, communicate, etc all the time but I still don't have with him what I have with Paul. Did I kid myself into thinking I could be platonic with a man? Should I have expected this?

Ask Abbie: In Love With Another Woman

In Love With Another Woman Asks:

I am turning 52 this month. I've been happily married for nearly 25 years, we have three kids, the youngest of whom is 14, the oldest in college. I work at home, and several years ago, with my wife's full knowledge and consent, I hired a friend of ours, a mom I'll call Karen, to help me with my business. We got along fine, it was good for my business, a strictly working relationship, and she left after about 2 years to take a full time job.

She was a friend to both of ours, and she still came over often after her job ended, our kids were pals, etc. We walked dogs together. On one of these walks, she gave me a letter, asking me to read it later. When I did, it told me that she loved me, but she knew I was married, and that she couldn't keep relating to me the same way. We could no longer be friends.

The problem is, I'd fallen in love with her as well. I rushed to her and told her so. We spent a month talking tearfully back and forth before my wife found out. She was outraged, naturally, and I stopped all communication with Karen.