Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Timing is Everything

"Imagine if that had happened five minutes earlier," he said to me. My eyes widened as I considered the possibility.

5 minutes earlier, I was on all fours. He was on his knees behind me making a ruckus. I hushed him and told him to stop slapping my ass because the sound was reverberating off the bridge nearby and would attract attention. He bent over, resting his torso on my back and whispered his raunchy comments and commands in to my ear.

We sat in the field with the majority of our clothes back in place. My fuck buddy or Fuddy, sat to my left. We made small talk enjoying the breeze against our skin that remained exposed. I showed him something on my phone and happened to look to my right and could make out a figure in the dark approaching at a high rate of speed. Not a five or six foot human form -- but a small furry figure only a few inches tall -- hurtling towards me in the grass. My mind barely processed what was happening. I exhaled and screamed while scrambling over my belongings and Fuddy. All the while I was bracing myself for the brush of fur or a bite.

When I finally made it to my feet a few feet away, I turned and saw Fuddy was interacting with the furry intruder as it investigated our bags and remaining clothes in the grass.

"I'm so sorry!" she said as she swooped up the puppy. "He's a baby, only 11 weeks old." The puppy wiggled wildly in her arms until she put it back down in the grass. Fuddy and Puppy reunited. It finally hit me that it was a puppy. From what I could see in the dark, it was cute. She told us about the last time she let him off his leash in the park, after dark, only that time it was the male half of a hetero couple who got the shit scared outta him. He also thought it was a giant rat.

As I tried to make my escape to safety earlier, I knew there was mule-kicking and limb flailing involved. I asked if I'd kicked the puppy and she brushed off the question. More laughs were shared, my heart and respiration rates finally returning to normal levels, our guest and her pet said their goodbyes.

"Imagine if that had happened five minutes earlier," he said to me. 5 minutes earlier had I caught a glimpse of that furry beast hurtling towards me in the grass, I would've unimpaled myself from Fuddy and exhibited great speed and coordination running through the grass with only one foot in my jeans. The puppy owner would merely be added to the list of people who have seen my bare ass. Simple as that.

On the ride home, I relived the moment of seeing that animal charge towards me and had a shudder. At that time of night other passengers on the train were in various states of stupor and oblivious to my movement. I took my phone out of my bag and sent this tweet:

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