How Are You So Sure? Because the Universe Provides

"How are you so sure?" I asked a friend that question, in awe of his certainty that he's where he's meant to be in life and will get every and anything he wants and needs.


He pointed to the walls of the studio where we sat and each poster on the wall had a story. He could recount all the laughs and tears and the gifts he received and things he lost. He expresses gratitude for all he has and goes through life fearlessly. Not to be confused with foolishly.

We were hanging out that day because I needed his energy. I always feel good in his presence. I feel heard and I'm guaranteed a piece of sage advice from him. 

I was on vacation a few weeks prior and questioning my direction in life. I was internalizing all the change in New York. There was this resistance in me against being the 'naked man photographer'. I was discouraged at my living situation and bank account balances. 

It's hard to look on the bright side at times and go forward knowing I will be taken care of. Even though I'm ten years removed, depression has rewired my brain. My usually optimistic, determined nature is sometimes shattered with hopelessness, despair and fear.

The Joy Of Presence

Guest Post by Chase Steele Greye

In the past few years I have most certainly become more present than I have ever been before. The twists and turns of life have a way of showing us when to listen and when to speak or act. It seems that we are constantly getting advice from others as to what we should do and how we should do it. But the truth remains that we all can learn a thing or two from just being present.




Imagine how it feels to eat an apple or even a lemon for that matter. Close your eyes and enter this sensation right now in your mind without the actual fruits being in front of you. You can almost feel the acidic qualities of the lemon and you can probably even feel the juice from the apple dripping down the side of your face. That unmistakable aroma that is set into motion when you bite into it is more than familiar. Did you have any difficulty with this exercise? If not, then you are more than capable of above average presence. If you did have an issue with that little exercise, please read on.

NY Post "Subway Death Cover" Should Not Have Been Published

My first thought upon seeing the cover of the NY Post on December 4 was "whoa". I peered deeper at the image trying to get a look at the face of the train operator, physically empathizing for what Ki Suk Han must've been feeling, wishing it were merely a scene from a movie in which at the last second the man would hoist himself up on the tracks narrowly missing his real fate.


And I was disturbed that the NY Post chose to publish that image on it's cover (not to mention it's choice of headline). R. Umar Abbasi, freelance photographer, took the photo. I heard the story on WCBS 880 yesterday before I saw the image -- onlookers screamed and ran from the scene as the photographer tried to use his camera flash to warn the train operator. I can see the logic behind his decision -- a split second panic-driven decision perhaps (Malcolm Gladwell explains this well in blink). But what remains is that photo ended up on the cover of the NY Post.

Giving Thanks

What are you thankful for?

The 5, 6, 7 dishes you get to choose from for dinner today? The egg nog? The pie? Maybe you're thankful for the opportunity to put your feet up and order Chinese food.

Working today? Be thankful for the job and the double or triple overtime pay. I've gone from no job to the choice of 3. I'm thankful.

Be thankful for the big and the little things. Great and small. Expressing joy and gratitude attracts more to be joyous and grateful for.

My Personal New Year

I celebrate my Personal New Year today. My Solar Return.

All day I can't help smiling from ear to ear when I hear the newscaster announce the day and date on the radio - Thursday, November 15.

Whoo-hoo!

My vision board consists of post-its on my wall. I add and subtract as needed. I've never had an "official" board, but I always make lists or write notes, have certain themes that recur in my journal entries and things I wish for constantly.

This year I will continue to exercise, learn new skills (je suis etudient francais pour quand je visite Paris), push past my comfort zone and fears, live by my moral code; be my authentic self. I also have a million dollar check to cash as a reward for following my dreams. Yes, travel is on the board too.

The past few months, Buddhism has been popping up all around me. I realized there are parts of that philosophy that I am familiar with. I started my new year celebrations by visiting a Buddhist center. A friend was gracious enough to show myself and a friend around. It coincided with the solar eclipse new moon.

I'll use synchronicities as guides. I will remain aware of them, open to them and proactive with them. Two minutes after my solar return, I received an email about the release of an erotic photography book. They continue.

I might add that at the moment of my return, I noted it in my journal and continued doing something I truly enjoy -- eating.

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The Wow Factor of Synchronicity

I finished reading What a Coincidence about 10 days ago. I decided to take some time to process it while continuing to notice a lot of synchronicity in my life and the ways my intuition leads me. I take that as a sign that I'm on the right path. Some moments of coincidence and synchronicity are truly "wow" moments. Also like Watkins, solutions are dropped into my lap if I make a definitive statement but don't dwell on it; once an intention is set, the pieces fall into place!


Recent examples of synchronicity and coincidence:

I want to include Faye in my interview series and made a mental note to send her an email about it. The next morning on my way to the dentist, I get off one train and cross the platform to wait for the next one. Seconds later, Faye appears on the platform from behind one of the sets of stairs at the West 4th station! I actually stand in shock for a while then gather myself and go over to say "hello". We chat for a while and it turns out we're both on our way to the dentist!

Synchronicity

Photo By: William Perls

There are coincidences in life.

I'm aware of them.

Last week, I was introduced to the term for those coincidences that are a bit more - synchronicity.


We stood on Rivington Street and discussed art, philosophy and metaphysics. BEAU commented on how small the world is and that his life is full of synchronicity lately. Turns out I went to one of his shows in February 2010 and here we were meeting again, so I agreed with the small world observation; lately I can go anywhere and run into someone I know. Even in the most unexpected places. We're all connected somehow. At one point during the brain-bending conversation BEAU shared his belief that life may be already planned for us. Not by any particular religious deity but that there is a predestined plan. That was a Monday night.

Pain, Pain, Go Away

I've had a uterus my entire life. We've had a very amicable relationship. At about 3 pm on Monday afternoon something upset her. She slowly grew enraged. But I was weathering her storm. At about 8 o'clock while I was trying to wind down she was just getting started. I text a friend about these newfangled pains I was experiencing. I wasn't doubled over but was definitely uncomfortable. They say it helps to talk about your problems; you gain insight on how to manage them, solve them or perhaps they'll even go away. I don't remember when I dozed off but at about 11pm I was woken by CM Punk screaming into the pipe bomb and my uterus screaming louder. What the what? I made myself a little more comfortable but was determined to sleep this off like I could sleep off other pains.


Shame on me for not having any pain meds at home but I'm rarely in pain. Moaning and whimpering, I stumbled around my bedroom at about 2:30ish in the morning. Pain blurred my vision. Pain made me sweat. Not doubled over in pain, uh, Abigail? Merely uncomfortable, Missy? I slumped over the bathroom sink for a while when a wave of nausea hit me. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's nausea and vomiting. That was the push I needed. I swallowed hard and had a heart-to-heart with the grimace in the mirror. I needed meds. But I couldn't walk straight due to the pain (my vagina was now singing backup). Never in my life had I experienced pain like this. Who are these women who deal with this every month?

A Clear & Lucid & Natural & Simple Conscious

Clear & Lucid & Natural & Simple by Conscious. It can be a quick read for instant "aha moments" or one that can take a few days to get through because his gems of wisdom will cause moments of contemplation.


While reading Clear & Lucid I had flashbacks to many of the conversations I've had with Conscious. Why won't he use revolving doors? He explained it to me in such a way that it's up to me to figure it out. That quote is on page 66 and it's written 6 times--there must be meaning to that as well. Sometimes what he (or Montag or the Bronx Über Villain) says doesn't hit me right away. I can see it now, I'll by lying (half)  awake, having a restless night, amethyst helping me none and something I read in the book will become clear. Seeing his statements in print made them real again. And there are times when speaking to Conscious and while I was reading Clear & Lucid that it's as if Conscious is reading my heart. "Bout to 'life' #unfollow some ppl." Yes! I've taken this step numerous times. Recent eclipses and constant growth as a person have made it easier. Certain relationships/people eclipse their way our of your life and we're the better for it.

Japan

I've been following the developments of the Japan earthquake, the resulting tsunami and the aftershocks that are still hitting the island nation. It's all very sobering. The magnitude of this natural disaster is surreal. The main island of Japan has shifted 2 meters as a result. Let's hope Shinmoedake volcano doesn't add to the devastation in southern Japan. Despite all that humans do to the earth to make life supposedly easier for ourselves, the earth strikes back, showing us just how small we are. When you consider the fact that the continents were created from volcanoes and earthquakes, it puts everything into perspective.

Doppelgänger

Wow! I don't have a doppelgänger?  - That's what I asked myself in my Dailysingle interview.

Apparently, I have two.

Reboot

I'm at a starting point in my life right now. Life is broken up into different phases. Cycles. I believe, 30 years a piece.

Since college, my marriage, jobs, depression, quitting, another job, being laid off, freelancing, creating -- it's all lead up to this.

I'll Pencil You In

"Maybe we can get together for a drink this week, Wednesday or Thursday..." he said, part question, part statement.

"Yeah, I'm free."

"Ok, we will keep in touch," he said motioning with his phone. He hadn't yet put it back in his pocket after we exchanged numbers.

Yeah, I'm free

On my walk to Prospect Park last Friday and got a call and easily scheduled a meeting for this upcoming Friday.

"What day works for you?"

I answer that question any number of ways: "Any day works for me", "I'm free all week", "I can work around your schedule" or the ol' answer-a-question-with-a-question, "Well what day works for you?"

Kinda Hot On A Cold Winter's Day

Turns out my Saturday was pretty eventful. I wasn't going to sit at home. And quite frankly, the cold temperatures lured me outside. I like the cold. I own a great coat. Ergo, cold isn't so.

Starting point: 14th & 5th
Destination: Canal & Ludlow

On the third and final leg of my walk, I heard sirens and saw a fire truck speed across Grand St while I walked south on Ludlow. When I made it to the corner of Broome, I stumbled upon a scene: 2 fire engines, a group of people being evacuated from a restaurant and neighboring business. The fire engine that sped West on Grand, finally pulled up on Orchard.

Thank You, 2010.

Two thousand and ten was a good year. I've entered a new phase in my life. The change was and still is palpable.

I've outgrown things and people this year. Any thought patterns or habits that were holding me back I pushed through, using the fear and angst as motivation. Any habits that were positive and I had let go in recent years, I've reclaimed.

Toxic, stale or one-sided relationships faded way or I ended them. I welcome these endings because the energy they've freed leaves me free to welcome positive beginnings.

I've continued to create and grow this year.

Visions of passport visa stamps dance in my head.

I don't have a cork board yet but I always make notes of things I want and need to accomplish and map out a way to get there. Tuesday night I was writing a to-do list. One of the list entries was in the form of a question which I started answering as I went along. As quickly as I put my question and answer down on paper, I stumbled upon a gallery in SoHo that will play prominently in my future. I asked a question and received an answer


I would do myself a huge disservice if I didn't follow through on the growth that as taken place this year; continue to live a healthy and non-restrictive lifestyle, continue to show gratitude and appreciation for those that have been instrumental and supportive, share my knowledge with others, and continue to be an artist motivated by the love of creativity, emotion, human stories and honest provocativeness.

Last year, I noticed the changing of the guard with the legends and pioneers we've lost. We've lost more this year. We continue to be on the verge of greatness. Still on my list of things to accomplish - BECOME AN ICON.

Two thousand and eleven, I can't wait to meet you.

Period. The Beginning.

There must be someway to celebrate the final menstrual cycle of my 20's. Some sort of ceremony or ritual involving meditation, the moon, belly dancing, donning a special menstrual garment and then burning or burying the blood-soaked shroud.

I believe there are phases in life. Entering your 30's is the beginning of a new phase. As a woman, there is no way to know which period will be your last. You're aware that you're going through menopause but only after the periods stop do you realize that last one was the last one.

2009: A Year In My Life

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions, but I used to make a list of goals I wanted to accomplish during the upcoming year. The list usually included bullet points like make new friends/rekindle old friendships, learn to drive (I have a 4-year old learner’s permit) and something to do with my work or creativity. I haven’t made that list for the past two years, but that didn’t mean I was any less aware or focused on accomplishing certain goals.

The People That Were

I was at the Michael Jackson birthday party in Prospect Park. I did think it was a bit morbid and sad that they had a birthday cake. It made it real. Who was going to blow out the candles?

We're only a little more than halfway through the year and I'm thinking about the last week in December when all the network news and entertainment magazine shows do the "Year in Review" and remember all the celebs that have passed that year. 2009 has had major loss and upheaval. The People that Were; all very influential, loved. I've noticed that many were pioneers in their field, visionaries, real people with real problems and somehow hold a part in the public's heart. I've also noticed that the people who have been most affected by these deaths are themselves on the brink of transformation. They're being primed to take those spots left open by those that have passed. It's like a sick, dying parent who holds on until they know their children are gonna be all right before they go.

I truly believe it is the changing of the guards. My contemporaries and I are on the verge of greatness.

June 25, 2009

There's so much I could say about that day. I was working out, the 5 o'clock news was on and I was crunching away. They were talking about Farrah Fawcett. I said to myself, imagine what will happen when Michael Jackson dies. I've always thought about that. Even as a kid, when I would watch his concert footage and see fans fainting. It all seemed so big and otherworldly. So after the Farrah Fawcett story, I flip to another channel for a different spin of the news or maybe for better news and there's the announcement that Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital in cardiac arrest.

What? I was just "talking" about that! And then it was time to prepare myself for the bad news. Cardiac Arrest. They were reporting they had to do CPR in the ambulance. I knew nothing good could come of it. I ate after my workout, sent a text to my friend about plans that evening at 5:23pm and when I went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, I wished "good luck" to the doctor who would have to call it--time of death.

5:26pm

Single Occupancy Lifestyle

I’ve been single for almost 3 years. I’m always on the go. It’s nice to be busy. And living in New York there’s always something to do and some place to go. I love going places. I invite friends along but with all the flakes, scaredy-cats and unknowingly depressed folks, I end up going out alone. Believe it or not, going out by myself is easy. It’s not sad or lonely or scary. I’m always bound to meet someone. If not a new friend, a new person-of-the-moment. My single life doesn’t mean I’m going to sit around waiting to be in a relationship before I do anything. Depending on where I’m going, I get a high off being in a new place. What’s going to happen? Who’s going to make me laugh? It’s my experience. If you don’t want to come along, I’ll tell you about it later as you gaze at me with envy.

When I was at my lowest and most unhappy, I was staying home, missing out on things I wanted to do because my other half didn’t want to go. The mistakes young people make…