Ask Abbie: Passion For the Bottle...Not Him

Passionless and Unfulfilled Asks:

Hi - I'm involved in what can charitably be called a passionless marriage. My wife doesn't sleep in the same room as me. She has certain personal habits, specifically heavy drinking, which turn me off. It's a cliche, but by now, I stay in it for the kids. On the plus side they're 17 and 20, and will soon be on their own. Yet if I divorce, my wife will have no means of support and would probably wind up on the street. Despite my frustration, I don't want to leave her to fate for what I consider an addiction, but one she refuses to even acknowledge.


In terms of my owns needs and desires, I do have a sex drive which is very unfulfilled My question to you is, do you think it would be cheating for me to find sex outside of marriage? I'm attracted to many women I see, but I can't get myself to follow up with them. I appreciate any advice you have.

Ask Abbie: Should've Never Gotten Married

 
Not happy in his marriage but not happy about ending it... Time to do the right thing.

Mr. Should Not Have Gotten Married Asks:

Hi! Okay, here is one for you. I'm a 42 year old, married white male. I've been married 14 years and have 2 children. My wife was pregnant before we got married, pretty much the reason we got married. We had been together for 4yrs prior to her getting pregnant, one of those years we were broken up. When she found out she was pregnant she was living in Brooklyn and I had just moved across the country, we were basically going our separate ways. Instead we "did the right thing" and got married. We always fight and hold a lot of resentment toward each other. Neither of us are thriving in our relationship and we just seem to be sitting in a holding pattern. She constantly tells me how unhappy she is in the relationship and that she wants a divorce. We haven't had sex in 14 months. I think in the long term we would both be happier if we were divorced but the idea bothers me, our lives are so entwined and the thought of tearing it apart is very painful. Anyway, that's for starters.

I'm looking forward to hearing back from you.

Synchronicity

Photo By: William Perls

There are coincidences in life.

I'm aware of them.

Last week, I was introduced to the term for those coincidences that are a bit more - synchronicity.


We stood on Rivington Street and discussed art, philosophy and metaphysics. BEAU commented on how small the world is and that his life is full of synchronicity lately. Turns out I went to one of his shows in February 2010 and here we were meeting again, so I agreed with the small world observation; lately I can go anywhere and run into someone I know. Even in the most unexpected places. We're all connected somehow. At one point during the brain-bending conversation BEAU shared his belief that life may be already planned for us. Not by any particular religious deity but that there is a predestined plan. That was a Monday night.

The Ties That Bind (or Give Me Free)

The New York Times reported earlier this week that NYS divorce law is about to change. New York State is the only state that doesn’t grant no-fault divorce. The plaintiff must prove cruel and inhuman treatment, abandonment or adultery or the couple must be legally separated for a year before a divorce is granted. What about those of us whose relationships are simply over?

I’ve been in limbo for almost 4 years. I am a single woman who when I meet someone new feels compelled to explain why they may see mail around my place with a hyphenated last name. Or thinking about the future, what if we want to do the “I do”, we won’t be able to. I’m not a fan of long, drawn out divorce battles. Some may consider divorce an easy out when things get rough. They may believe that couples should “stay together for the children” or they take “till death do you part” literally, are willing to spend years in counseling that doesn’t work or just become apathetic to their spouses. Pish posh. Some relationships end.