Ask Abbie: Is it OK to Hold Her Hand?

(Source)

Souls connecting... so why not hold hands?

Hand-Holding Harry:

Hey i need your advice ..it's something personal.
I am married but stay alone in US.
I met a friend who is single.
I have a strong affection towards her and she feels that there is some connection of souls when we meet or talk.
I am 40 years Asian. She is Asian too..may be early 30s.
How can i tell her that I like her and I feel to sit with her at a cafe or watch a movie
and hold hands together...not really looking for sex..
pls advice how to approach...

How Are You So Sure? Because the Universe Provides

"How are you so sure?" I asked a friend that question, in awe of his certainty that he's where he's meant to be in life and will get every and anything he wants and needs.


He pointed to the walls of the studio where we sat and each poster on the wall had a story. He could recount all the laughs and tears and the gifts he received and things he lost. He expresses gratitude for all he has and goes through life fearlessly. Not to be confused with foolishly.

We were hanging out that day because I needed his energy. I always feel good in his presence. I feel heard and I'm guaranteed a piece of sage advice from him. 

I was on vacation a few weeks prior and questioning my direction in life. I was internalizing all the change in New York. There was this resistance in me against being the 'naked man photographer'. I was discouraged at my living situation and bank account balances. 

It's hard to look on the bright side at times and go forward knowing I will be taken care of. Even though I'm ten years removed, depression has rewired my brain. My usually optimistic, determined nature is sometimes shattered with hopelessness, despair and fear.

Sunday at Lelabar

Hungarian Pick Salami, Tasso Ham, Beef Loin, Coppa
from Lelabar

I finally made it to Lelabar.



This visit required the right amount of synchronicity to occur. On Sunday I met up with a friend before he took a road trip. It also happened to be the day before his birthday so quality face time was in order.



The last few times we'd seen each other, we went out for wine. And every time, I kept mentioning a wine bar in the West Village but I couldn't remember where it was. I knew it began with an "L" but that's all I had. This time around when I was off the clock, I was off the clock. My brain just couldn't remember. As we walked west along Houston St my friend pointed out Burger & Barrel as a possible place for us to go for our fix de vino. We both wondered about the New Yorker-to-tourist ratio and kept moving.

Ask Abbie: You Say He's Just A Friend

Am I More Than A Friend Asks:

I'm a well established young woman with an ok job, good man and decent social life. I've always prided myself in keeping good company and my current closest friend Paul defines that. He's great to hang out with, chat on the phone, and comforts or cheers me up when needed. Sounds great doesn't it?

I should be happy but I feel guilty. The other day I had an issue at work and as soon as I got home, I called Paul. Not my boyfriend. Paul. I'm starting to feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend. I don't sneak around with Paul, and nothing's happened but I rarely bring up my convos with Paul to my boyfriend (sometimes he doesn't even know what's going on). I love my boyfriend and we talk, emote, communicate, etc all the time but I still don't have with him what I have with Paul. Did I kid myself into thinking I could be platonic with a man? Should I have expected this?

City Crab Lunch Break

City Crab is Native Creative Concierge approved.

Juan mans the raw bar at City Crab in NY

Last Friday's lunch was at City Crab in the Gramercy/Flatiron neighborhood in Manhattan. My friend and I had been there before for drinks during happy hour and for post-brunch drinks on a Saturday (we like drinks). My friend chose City Crab because of Juan, the oyster shucker.

DJ Abbie Debut (Recap)

Ten days removed from my DJing debut. I've since come down off the high to the point that I haven't listened to music since. Which is astonishing for me. But I guess, subconsciously, my body and brain knew a detox was needed. I had a lot of fun controlling a room with music. In the weeks leading up to it, I organized most of my "world" music onto one playlist to make it easy. Then I organized them based on their sound or the mood they set. It's all about mood for me.

Random Communications During Hurricane Sandy

Park Slope, Brooklyn, NY, October 30, 2012, the morning after Hurricane Sandy

On Monday, October 29, 2012, Hurricane Sandy made landfall in New Jersey. The  post-tropical superstorm (it was no longer a hurricane at that point) had joined forces with a Nor'easter and was generating blizzards, torrential downfalls, winds up to 100 miles per hour and very impressive and destructive storm surges, which were made even worse by the full moon, along the Eastern seaboard of the US.

Thanksgiving

At 4 minutes after midnight I was sipping egg nog. I usually wait until after dinner but it was officially Thanksgiving Day and I deserved a treat.

For me, Thanksgiving has always been about watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade while I assembled a lasagne in the kitchen. Then I had to find some oven real estate once I was done; my mother always got a head start on me and the turkey would have hours more to go. In recent years, I’ve gotten hooked on the Dog Show, so I watch that too. Once I wasn’t living at home anymore, Thanksgiving involved a bit more travel (Brooklyn to The Bronx, sometimes, all the way to New Jersey!) but the food and camaraderie was always there. The giving thanks part of the day also became more apparent the older I got.

3-Day Chocolate Binge

My chocolate binge has lasted a lot longer than three days. I've lost track of the number of Snickers, Pret A Manger brownies, chocolate chip granola bars, chocolate coated graham crackers and Peanut M&Ms I've downed recently. Last week, three treats really stood out.

A Dog's Weekend

First cats, now dogs...


My friend hired me to pet-sit for a few days. There was also a cat present but rarely seen.


Meet Oscar and Lucy!

Oscar

Lucy

Day 1: Not a full day. I arrived at my friend's apartment after work and was greeted with unbelievable enthusiasm and energy. I could tell I'd walked in on a play session they'd organized for themselves. It took about 45 minutes to actually leave the apartment for the walk--I couldn't figure out how to get the harness on, nevermind the instructions that were left. You know you've reached a new low when a dog gives you the side-eye. Oscar stood stoic, waiting to be strapped in. Lucy was high on coke I'm prone to believe. The walk itself went off without a hitch--2 square blocks, 2 poop-and-scoops.

Sunday Jam Session

Music.

It took me to 1960's Brooklyn and 1980's Harlem.

Took me through Argentinian pride and Uruguay strife.

It celebrated the West Indies and declared independence for Brazil.

Music took me to lovers' beds and hearts. The trips and falls in and out of love.

Took me to the great State of Texas.

Music took me to New Orleans to march with the saints.

Took me to a blues joint.

Music tugged secrets from our souls with each slide of the trombone.

Took me into the soul of a blossoming songwriter.

It softened angst and broke outer shells.

Music tasted like Guinness and Malbec and Mate.

Music filled the room. 8 people in a room and music will make it feel a hundred deep.

It softened a love cynic's heart and brought tears to eyes.

It sounded like throaty laughter on the 3 and 16 count.

Music left it's mark with the power of words.

It wrote this prose.

Music is the bass Griot.

It evoked cravings for cuchifritos.

Music was the glue that held handshakes, hugs and hips together.

It instructed the 2-step and the way he twirled her this way and that.

On a sticky September Sunday, it wasn't too hot for music.

My Afternoon With The Italian Architect

I spent a few hours with a 33 year old architect from Milan. He responded to an ad I posted online; he was in NY to learn English and wanted to meet me. I chose the time and place where we met in Brooklyn on a gorgeous afternoon.


We walked and talked. He's a professor of architecture in Italy. He taught me a lot about the history of NY architecture; he's very knowledgeable and passionate about his work. It was strange for him to now be the student (he's taking English classes during the day) and have homework.  He's the only Italian in his class; the majority of the students are Spanish-speakers. He was a bit disappointed because as he put it, he's close to Spain when he's home. He didn't want to cross an ocean for more Spanish. I mentioned that it was interesting that the Spanish-speaking students in his class were all European not from Latin America.


Throughout the afternoon he shared his take on the New York culture (and American culture, in general) that he's been exposed to and I pointed out local points of interests all while teaching or correcting his English when necessary. The prayer alarm blared as we passed a mosque. Sitting outside were two woman wearing burqas and niqabs. A few blocks away he asked about the America view of Muslims after 9/11.

Prohibition Wednesdays At Apothéke

Apothéke is Native Creative Concierge™ approved.

I returned.

Absolutely no bladder issues.

Just a great time.

On Monday night, my friend told me that Wednesday would be the start of a new event at Apothéke -- Prohibition Wednesdays. Code word at the door, sounds from the phonograph, special cocktails, bartenders decked out in vests and bow-ties... total speakeasy vibe (I see a Boardwalk Empire event in their future). The DJ, Jay White, also happened to be celebrating his birthday adding to the festive atmosphere.

Backdrop: Apothéke

The following took place between 10:30PM Wednesday and 4:00AM Thursday


Following a relationship & race forum event, Geraldine* and I stood on Allen St deciding what to do next. Nah, let me rephrase that, we stood on Allen St deciding where to get drinks. I knew I wouldn't be able to drink without eating first. I had a great workout a few hours earlier and my metabolism was still revved up. We pregamed with pizza and water on Houston St.


Afterwards we walked to Chinatown to Apothéke. I hadn't been in that part of Chinatown since the Chinese New Year. I first learned of Apothéke on The Real Housewives of New York City. My interest was piqued when LuAnn walked there with her date, it was an out-of-the-way sort of place. The streets didn't look like they were in NY; I like places off the beaten track. The theme of the bar intrigued me as well--an apothecary. So when my friend told me he was working there I was very excited and admitted my RHONY viewing habits.

Random Musings On Visiting Friends

Does the first thing you see in the morning set the tone for the entire day? That coffee table landscape (pictured above) was the first thing I saw when I woke up on a Monday morning a few weeks ago. I felt around for my phone and took that photo.


So glad my friend followed up with an email; I didn't receive his text message because my phone was disconnected. An invite to dinner at his place on Sunday evening. One of his friends I'd met last summer at the beach, a Cajun, was there with his wife. We drank wine, studied the fifth guest's Bio-jewelry, ribbed each other and played Uno. Then there were three.

Connect The Dots

Keeping in line with my Reboot and priming for travel...

A long-time friend took me out for Korean last week. She took me to one (of two) of her favorite spots. Ok, first, I think that's a great honor when someone takes you their favorite place.

I should also tell you that I'll be all over the place in this post.

So we met at Kunjip and did a lot of catching up over pipping hot stone bowls of bibimbap and steamed eggs, radishes, dried fish, miso soup... I should've taken a photo of the spread, because I can't remember what else was served. I had the camera in my bag, by the way.

The windows of the restaurant were covered with flyers and posters but from where I was sitting, I could see through one of the spaces to the street outside. I did a double take. Is that the Eiffel Tower? Does that say 'Paris'? 

Kitty Photo Shoot

I'm a dog person.

This past weekend I did something new. I took photos.

Of a cat.

I was cat-sitting and house-sitting for a friend. When she first asked me, I asked a few questions of my own: Is she crazy? Is the cat going to try and sit on my lap?

My friend assured me that everything would be OK, that I wouldn't even see much of the cat throughout the weekend. The first night I was there, I spent it in very light sleep. Thoughts of being clawed to a bloody mess kept me awake. You would think someone locked me in a cage with a Bengal Tiger! (I do like tigers and lions though)

Primed At Pacifico

Still feeling the inspiration from Friday's lunch date with a friend. And ready to travel the world. Once I get the "how" figured out...


I feel as though this should be more of a story, so I'll paint the picture for you instead of jumping right in to artist-creative-soul-wanderlust vibe of the lunch.


There he was on the corner of Jay and Willoughby. He stood in the sun wearing a fitted leather jacket and Ray Bans. I could tell he was making sure he was on the right corner from the way he kept looking at his phone then up at the street signs. I was wearing "Little Red", so I was easy to spot.

Finding Inspiration

I didn't realize how much stress I was under until I just sat. That's when I realized how tense I was and how much was on my mind. On Friday, two of my friends came over to help. I appreciated the company a thousand times more. One friend invited me out to an art exhibit the following night. I agreed.

Doppelgänger

Wow! I don't have a doppelgänger?  - That's what I asked myself in my Dailysingle interview.

Apparently, I have two.