Ask Abbie: Is it OK to Hold Her Hand?

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Souls connecting... so why not hold hands?

Hand-Holding Harry:

Hey i need your advice ..it's something personal.
I am married but stay alone in US.
I met a friend who is single.
I have a strong affection towards her and she feels that there is some connection of souls when we meet or talk.
I am 40 years Asian. She is Asian too..may be early 30s.
How can i tell her that I like her and I feel to sit with her at a cafe or watch a movie
and hold hands together...not really looking for sex..
pls advice how to approach...

Ask Abbie: Wearing My Heart On My Kidney

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Kidney Ken Asks:

OK how do I tell a girl that I need a kidney transplant when I first meet her? Not that I want hers but this issue holds me back from seeking out women because I've been rejected before when I said I need one. So... how can I say "hi I am [name redacted] 42 5'11 170 pounds work in a condo O by the way any day now I could go into kidney failure don't worry I am on a kidney list and will be out of work for three months if I do get transplanted."


I really think women don't want nothing to do with me because of my sickness. It's hopeless.

Casual Sex Is Still Dead

Nowadays when I have sex, I do a lot of thinking afterwards. I’ve come to realize it’s a sign of growth. Early on in my sexual life, I had an on-to-the-next-one mentality. I rarely looked back. The sex itself was the beginning and the end of the experience with that person. If I had hooked up with a friend, we remained friends but that didn’t mean we remained sexual partners.

Last year, I wrote The Death of Casual Sex and yes, it’s still dead. The older something gets the deader it gets; makes sense, no? Let me explain.

Blackout

This past Sunday night I took a shower in the dark. I left the bathroom door open (I know, totally messed with the Feng Shui of my apartment) so it wasn’t complete darkness. I had already started soaping up when I thought it would be cool if I lit some candles. A shower by candlelight... My mind quickly went from romance, to necessity then back to romance. Let me explain how my mind works. I see things like scenes from a movie or television show. An entire scene will flash across my mind’s eye, with different camera angles, lighting and music.

“Ooh, a shower by candlelight.” then

“This is how I’d have to shower during a blackout.”

Remember blackouts, NY? (not trying to jinx it) Who would I want to be stranded with during a blackout? Not that we have to take shower together but if you enjoy someone’s company, no need to apologize for it (Ha!)...

The Death of Casual Sex

In the 10 or so years I’ve had a sex life, I’ve been with a fair number of dudes. Ya’ll don’t need an actual number but it’s less than 100 and enough to learn from. And as a yougin, it was always fun, carefree and casual. But in this day and age, is sex really casual anymore? Do people actually want casual sex?


I genuinely liked a few of the guys along the way, so I let them in. And that’s the way it should be. Get to know him. Make sure he respects me and doesn’t treat me like a game. We can play all the games and use all the toys we want when the time is right, but to get to that level of intimacy and comfort you have to like someone, know someone or just click instantly.


I’m getting up in years. I still have the supple, taut body of a 28 year old, but I think my spirit is 62. Experiences and past lives. I’ve been lucky and survived all my sexual adventures; the goal being to let them in without them leaving anything behind. But I’ve learned from every experience. I was cool with the idea of "friends with benefits", but you gotta be friends, duh. I was fine with never calling someone again and sometimes got annoyed if they called me (don’t dare text me the morning after). If I did talk to them or see them again and they start spewing phrases like, “When can I see you again?”, “You bring me joy”, “I really like you”, I would question whether this guy ever had sex before!


For me, the time between each romp has grown. I still twitch and get irritable if I enter states of celibacy longer than 2 weeks but it’s more important for me to actually want to be with him instead of just being horny. It all boils down to having a connection. All this damn texting limits connecting and people use it as a buffer; they hide behind it. Then they get upset or hurt when all they get in return is a text after having sex, or what they thought was a connection, with someone. Folks jump from partner to partner because they want to connect with someone. The further we get from each other and only rely on text messages or IM to communicate, the more we crave true human interaction. We end up in bed together at super speed, with an orgasm (hopefully), yet still left unsatisfied.


You’re thinking of someone right now. Call them. Schedule a hug.