I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions, but I used to make a list of goals I wanted to accomplish during the upcoming year. The list usually included bullet points like make new friends/rekindle old friendships, learn to drive (I have a 4-year old learner’s permit) and something to do with my work or creativity. I haven’t made that list for the past two years, but that didn’t mean I was any less aware or focused on accomplishing certain goals.
2009 had this energy of upheaval, introspection and rebirth. Those in my inner circle and from what I witnessed from people more distant was that 2009 was about developing self-awareness and self-acceptance. This year I became more aware of my femininity and womanhood. I consider myself forward-thinking but there are certain gender roles I ascribe to, more so now that I’m getting more life experience. I’m more willing to accept and expect certain treatment because I’m a woman. I tear up when I’m happy now. I never used to understand tears of joy.
I’ve learned in 2009 that growth and acceptance can be synonymous.
There’s been a revival in the “Black is Beautiful” movement around me. Suddenly, I’ve become en vogue and a hot commodity for “nation-building”. Newsflash: I’ve been Jamaican and Nigerian my entire life. That doesn’t mean I sit at home alternating between Bob and Fela, smoking my “medicine” and spitting wisdom in Swahilinglish. I’m not a vegetarian and I’m not Muslim. But the assumptions that I’m tough and hot-blooded have some merit.
I took more control of the energies surrounding me. I’ve been a magnet of positivity and I’ve pushed negative thoughts and people out of my life. Some of it/them just faded away. I have a profound effect on people and I’ve learned that this year.
2009 had many high-profile deaths that made me more aware of my own mortality. Someone out there has about 60 or 70 years to find a cure for death or I’m screwed. But it also made me more aware that I will have to take my place in society, and the world in general. Not only the physical human deaths but the endings that have taken place this year are signs that we are entering a new era. If I write a list (mentally or on paper) I need to include the goal – BECOME AN ICON.
There have been happy, exciting, weird, awkward, sad, insane, intense moments this year, but nothing I couldn’t survive.
I’m still not the kind of woman who values herself on whether or not I have a boyfriend, lover, husband. But I will always be a lover of people and relationships. I’ve developed interesting relationships in 2009. Even though I’m single I found love this year and love found me.