Ask Abbie: My Girlfriend Gained Weight And I've Lost Attraction

Not Attracted To My Girlfriend Asks:

I need some advice. A year later, I've watched my girlfriend gain quite a bit of weight, and admit I'm less attracted physically but also because she's completely in denial, thinking she takes great care of herself. I'm worried about her health. No exercise, shitty diet overall, and a lot of talk about doing this and being involved with that, etc. No action. I'm starting to feel mismatched because I do put in effort and am noticing that she almost weighs the same as me. Plus, I think she's a bit depressed but denies that, too. 


How do I state my concerns without being offensive? A future with her would be difficult because, if there were to be kids, I want them to learn decent habits and take initiative, not the opposite. And spare me the bullshit about loving regardless, as we know that's not applicable in all situations. There have to be others out there who have dealt with this, right? Appreciate all your thoughts.

Ask Abbie: My Wife, Masturbation Or Cheating?

11 years together. 9 years of very little sex. Now on the verge of stepping out on his wife, who is pregnant, for the first time...

 

Empty-inside Ed Asks:

Hi. Ok this is kind of weird but i will give it a try...

I'm 33. Been married 6 years, but have been living with my wife for 11 years. We have a young son and she is pregnant again. Love her, love the family etc.

Anyway, the only issue that comes between my wife and I is sex. I want a lot of it, she could care less. It's been that way after our first 2 years together. The beginning of our relationship was great sex-wise. But now we're entering into year 9 of slim-pickings. 

Waving The Red Flag

My online dating experiment continues...


I received this note in response to one I sent after reading someone's post/profile:

Hey Abigail,

Thanks for answering my little post. I forgot to mention something that may be very important to you: I'm short. 5'7 ... just thought I'd mention it. ;)

By the way, I try to stay fit also. I run every day. And try to avoid unhealthy stuff. It's too easy to let yourself go. And it's depressing to throw your health away. I think most American are obese because they're sad. It's just filling a void.

Reboot

I'm at a starting point in my life right now. Life is broken up into different phases. Cycles. I believe, 30 years a piece.

Since college, my marriage, jobs, depression, quitting, another job, being laid off, freelancing, creating -- it's all lead up to this.

Chocolate Body Frosting

I was cleaning out my fridge on Sunday night and found some chocolate body frosting. It’s been too long since I’ve used that. After implementing everyday kitchen cupboard, fridge and freezer contents like jelly, ice cream, sorbet, peanut butter etc, I remember when my ex and I got that set of body frosting. We were excited. I haven’t lived like a nun the past few years but I looked at the jar of frosting and realized what I’m missing – passion.

There was one lover since my ex who put in a very hardworking stint. All personal things aside, he’s ranked in the top five. I love the way men throw around the cliché that they want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. But to get to my inner freak (yes, there’s a lot more than what you see or read) there has to be a connection. There must be a bond. I have to trust you and you have to blow my mind. Once that’s achieved, I can reach the level of unbridled passion. I’m very astute and will know immediately when a man is doing his best for me so he can do his best to me. When I’m returning the favor it starts outside of the bedroom. I’m calling you, cooking for you, laughing a lot.

I also haven’t been depressed for the past few years and have shed pounds of baggage. Obviously that allows for deeper, truer connections. Physically, my rebirth is manifesting itself as shiny hair, plump muscles, bright skin. I’m in tune with my inner voice at a level I was about ten years ago. That same wide-eyed enthusiasm I had as I started college has returned…with wisdom that doesn’t restrain me. Despite being hurt in the past my heart is still open. And it’s a magnet for everything positive lately. I’m capable of feeling fully and deeply and will be ready to use that chocolate body frosting again.

Happiness Doesn't Kill

The shooting in Binghamton, NY is tragic. And tragically, I had to look up Binghamton on a map. I should be ashamed of myself (I should be). There's a vigil being held for the victims of yesterday's incident and now new information is being released about Mr. Wong. Some say he was a quiet man, others (as the news media puts it) describe him as an angry man who loved guns and hated America. He was a naturalized citizen but was unemployed and shot up innocent people in the community civic center. Those folks were trying to learn the native language and better themselves. And the gunman must've felt hopeless. What happened to the time when hopelessness led to guys drinking at home alone, or chain smoking and telling their girlfriends, "Whatever. This is just who I am, doll face" instead of mass shootings or murder-suicide? Why take others with you? 

Because hurt people hurt people. We'll never really understand what goes on in the minds of these killers. Depression is a murderer. It lurks and kills slowly and it doesn't only kill the one suffering (think that Cymbalta commercial). I've been kicking around the idea of a health initiative in my head and it would most certainly address depression in the Black community and in men. I truly believe there is a correlation between depression and other physical illnesses, broken families, STDs and crime. Contact me. Let's discuss.