Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Armed and Protected


My current condom stash with your occasional lube thrown in

I'm a condom-carrying member of the sexually active.


As I packed my bag before heading out for the night, I made sure my chapstick and lotion were accounted for, business cards and gum, threw out old receipts and flyers and made sure I had regular and extra large condoms, lubricated and not or ultra sensitive as Lifestyles like to call theirs. I also throw a couple Durex in there to give my Europeans a piece of home. The signature Magnum gold is a given. I haven't mastered female condoms yet (those things are slippery!) so I leave those home for now. I carry condoms in the same compartment with my pads and tampons. Just makes sense to me to keep all the Kitty products together.


Since I started having sex, I've always carried condoms. During my recent drought, my condoms taunted me in my bag, but they stayed put. I remember the sideways comment an ex made about why I was still carrying them even though we were together. "Dude, because we're fucking," I wanted to say but the young Abigail just screwed up her face and rolled her eyes.


A few months back there was a stink on Twitter. This man who claims to be a relationship expert took it upon himself to say any woman who carries condoms is basically a slut (not a "lady"), can't be trusted and men should run the other way if they ever come across a woman who owns condoms -- in her bag or in her bedroom. He even bragged about advising his niece or goddaughter or some such younger woman relative who was going away to college (!) that she should never carry condoms because that's not what a lady does. Why beat around the bush? He should just tell her he wants to be an uncle and get it over with.


I will never be ashamed to take control of my sex life, my body, my health, my pleasure. I'm never giving up that right no matter what some patriarchal nut at a bar, in a church (don't get me started on those church dudes) or in Congress says. I enjoy sex. And I walk away disease-free because I use condoms. I visit the doctor at my regularly scheduled intervals for STD screenings, paps and proddings. I play safe. You know how much fun I've had because I was carrying condoms at the "point of no return"? You know how many times I've given condoms to my friends so they could hook up?


Condoms represent possibilities. So I gather my condoms (two of each) and put them in my bag. I may meet that man who's gonna get it in.


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