Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Ask Abbie: Kidult Daugther Moved Back Home

Dad Asks:

Hi I am a middle aged man recently had my daughter (adult) show up on my doorstep. She wants to live with me because it will be cheap and convenient while she goes to grad school. If you have upfront advice can help. And maybe ongoing need.

Thanks Dad

Ask Abbie Answers:

Well, given the economy now, it will certainly be easier for her to live with you. Was she living on her own, with roommates or on campus before she showed up? She'll be going to grad school so she's doing something that will hopefully better herself and give her a brighter future and... get her back on her feet.

If you decide to let her stay with you while she's in grad school, set the ground rules upfront. Yes, she's your daughter, but she's an adult so it will have to be an adult-adult living situation. If she's working part or full time, she can contribute to the household unless you'd rather she focus on school and saving her money so she can use that savings to move out once grad school is over. You want to make sure you don't enable any dependency or "bad behavior".

Maybe you don't want her living with you now. If you've had a rocky relationship in the past, having your daughter live with you may not be the best idea. Perhaps you can help her look for her own place or apply for financial aid so she can get housing through her school.

You seem pretty surprised that she showed up--do you suspect there's something more that she's not telling you?

Let me know if there's any more insight I can provide.

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