Clench

I had a pretty great workout last night. Great post-workout shower. Then meditated for 10 measly minutes. I haven't been able to get back to 20+ minute meditation sessions for about a month.

There's a knot on the left side of my back - rhomboids and lower trap. It hurts. I know part of it is due to structural issues but it's also due to stress.

During my recent meditation(s), I repeatedly have to drop my bottom jaw, releasing the tension. Sometimes I realize how tight I'm gripping my stones. No bueno. I'm not sure if I'm a tooth-grinder at night, but sometimes as I'm drifting off to sleep, I notice my fists are clenched. Even in sleep, there are moments when I'm not relaxed.

The next time you're waiting for the train or in line at Starbucks take a moment to become aware of the level of tension in your body. Are you fists clenched? Shoulders touching your ears? Jaw tight? Ass checks clenching a piece of thread? Toes forming a fist in your shoes? When your cell phone rings or vibrates make note of your physical reaction. Ringtones are an attempt to sugarcoat the intrusion to our lives.

Naked

Skin is the largest organ in the body. I love to expose mine. I spend the majority of my time naked (if it’s cold, I wear socks). I’m comfortable nude, whether I’m by myself or with others. And for me being nude heightens everything. My skin is exposed; I’m subject to different touches, textures, temperatures. I like to see my body in motion. It’s a wonderful machine, I watch my muscles flex, my skin becoming wet from sweat and plumping up. Being naked is healthy. I know right away when something’s not right with my body. I’m in tune with her. I know what it looks like and I know when something changes.

It’s very unfortunate that some people, because they aren’t comfortable in their own skin, do not get completely nude during sex, or ever! As soon as they hop out the shower, they cover up, and remain that way. It is possible to be nude and non-sexual. However, humans are sexual and being nude can heighten sexuality. Sex is a lot more than exploring all my holes. There’s always a point, either before or after, when I’m with a lover where I’m just watching him. He’ll ask, “What you looking at?” I state the obvious, “You,” and continue my visual study. I’m either admiring him purely as a physical being or I’m watching what he’s thinking; I can almost see what’s going on in his head. Add the mental aspect of sex to the feel of skin-to-skin; allowing access to every inch of your body and there’s nothing better.

I got into nude modeling in 2006. A photographer was working on a project in which he wanted to showcase real women. We range in size & shape, have lopsided breasts, stretch marks, scars and hair in places we’d rather not. I also wanted to document who I was at that moment in time. I’ll have these photos to look back on 20, 30, 40 years from now. My changes and different stages of beauty are forever chronicled. Unless the nature of my photo shoot is sexual or erotic, your eyes are drawn to the human body art form. When a photo is blurred or a model is strategically draped, the viewer is left wondering what’s behind or under the veil. The more you hide something, the more taboo it becomes. My body is not taboo.