Armed and Protected

Back in the Saddle

My current condom stash with your occasional lube thrown in

I'm a condom-carrying member of the sexually active.


As I packed my bag before heading out for the night, I made sure my chapstick and lotion were accounted for, business cards and gum, threw out old receipts and flyers and made sure I had regular and extra large condoms, lubricated and not or ultra sensitive as Lifestyles like to call theirs. I also throw a couple Durex in there to give my Europeans a piece of home. The signature Magnum gold is a given. I haven't mastered female condoms yet (those things are slippery!) so I leave those home for now. I carry condoms in the same compartment with my pads and tampons. Just makes sense to me to keep all the Kitty products together.


Since I started having sex, I've always carried condoms. During my recent drought, my condoms taunted me in my bag, but they stayed put. I remember the sideways comment an ex made about why I was still carrying them even though we were together. "Dude, because we're fucking," I wanted to say but the young Abigail just screwed up her face and rolled her eyes.

Back In The Saddle

Back in the Saddle

How many of you remember this post: Random Musings on Empty Vaginas? Yes, that was a long time ago. The struggle was real. There were fits and starts.


The struggle is over.


In true life fashion, resuming relations with men has come with its fair share of blog-worthy, smile-inducing, cringe-worthy, WTF and oh, Oh, OH! moments.


On my HowAboutWe profile, I answered the question -- For me, a first date no-no is: with "giving me something to blog about instead of something to text my friend about". Oh, my adventures have consisted of both.

One Woman's Struggle with Celibacy.

How I got My Groove Back.

She's Gotta Have It... and How She's Getting It.

(Pick a subtitle... any will do)


I will share those tales and lessons in my Back in the Saddle series. I may not have the life years under my belt that Sophia Petrillo has but I've got anecdotes for days. Picture it...

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Ask Abbie: Just A Little Cunnilingus Between Friends

Hungry For Kitty Asks:

Without getting into too much detail, I want to ask a good acquaintance if I can give her oral sex. We are both massage therapists that met in class and have traded sessions on and off for the last 3 years. I am not interested in receiving anything in return, just want to take my time and satisfy her. I want this to be a one time thing with NO emotional effects. It is always hard to tell if there is a mutual attraction but I will say that we are both good looking people.


The kicker, I have been in a relationship for 3+ years with a girl who has been going through a lot the last year and a half. We do not have a sex life. She will go down on me every so often but that is basically it. I haven't seen her totally naked in more than a year. I do enjoy performing oral sex and miss it a lot. My g/f is from out of state so does go home to visit family and she gave me a hall pass before. I did not do anything during that time and we have never discussed it further.


Now the girl I want to give oral to is the only person I told about the "sex life" I have been experiencing. No one else. So she has sympathized with me on it. So I feel she will have an understanding of where I am coming from. But again, I don't want an emotional strings and want to make that clear to her as well. I just want it to be strictly physical and not ruin what we have. It is basically her helping me and getting oral in return.

How should I go about this? Any advice will be appreciated.

Ask Abbie: Kidult Daugther Moved Back Home

Dad Asks:

Hi I am a middle aged man recently had my daughter (adult) show up on my doorstep. She wants to live with me because it will be cheap and convenient while she goes to grad school. If you have upfront advice can help. And maybe ongoing need.

Thanks Dad

Ask Abbie: You Say He's Just A Friend

Am I More Than A Friend Asks:

I'm a well established young woman with an ok job, good man and decent social life. I've always prided myself in keeping good company and my current closest friend Paul defines that. He's great to hang out with, chat on the phone, and comforts or cheers me up when needed. Sounds great doesn't it?

I should be happy but I feel guilty. The other day I had an issue at work and as soon as I got home, I called Paul. Not my boyfriend. Paul. I'm starting to feel like I'm cheating on my boyfriend. I don't sneak around with Paul, and nothing's happened but I rarely bring up my convos with Paul to my boyfriend (sometimes he doesn't even know what's going on). I love my boyfriend and we talk, emote, communicate, etc all the time but I still don't have with him what I have with Paul. Did I kid myself into thinking I could be platonic with a man? Should I have expected this?

Ask Abbie: Is Being a Single Father That Much of a Turn off?

Single Father Asks:

Hi there,

To tell you the truth, i ask myself daily, what is it about the mention of kids, people just up and run from me?

I look around, and i know quite a few guys out there that have children and refuse to care for them, but yet i see all of these guys dating and not caring for anyone but themselves.

I guess it just really bothers me that a man such as myself, has a job, pays my bills, takes responsibility for his actions, and takes care of his children is just frequently ignored by the fairer sex.

I only have my children Friday night thru Sunday night every week, and the rest of the week i just go thru the motions. Is it really that important that a Friday night and Saturday night be an available option when dating? Can't something like this be overlooked? There are so many confusing things when it comes to dating and being a father, and i just dont get any of it..

Can you enlighten me?

Ask Abbie: Managing Bursitis of the Knee

Bursitis-Of-the-Knee-on-the-Brain Asks:

I have bursitis/ inflammation in my right knee. It's painful, but for now the doctor recommends basic exercises to strengthen hamstrings and quadriceps, stretching, and anti-inflammation meds. I just hired a new trainer to help me lose about 15lbs and tighten up. What precautions should I take regarding my knee to avoid further injury?

S'MACdown: S'MAC Mac-n-Cheese Competition

Beginning on May 6, macaroni and cheese lovers, aficionados and self-professed professionals were given the opportunity to share their creations in a S'MACdown sponsored by S'MAC.


Competitors were allowed to create any mac & cheese dish -- no ingredient off limits. 2 out of the 4 finalists choose bacon (the bacon craze doesn't seem to be losing steam just yet).


The live judging event took place on  May 19 at the Murray Hill S'MAC location. The panel of judges included S'MAC owner Sarita Ekya, Barbara Rich, consulting chef for S'MAC, and Tom Birchard, owner of Veselka who tasted and deliberated over the four finalist creations.

Speed Rack USA Women's Finals for Breast Cancer

On May 16, Speed Rack USA held the finals of the women's bartending competition in New York. It was a fundraising event with 100% of the proceeds going to breast cancer research and education. My good friend, Glendaliz Camacho works for SHARE, a beneficiary of the funds raised at the event.

Ask Abbie: In Love With Another Woman

In Love With Another Woman Asks:

I am turning 52 this month. I've been happily married for nearly 25 years, we have three kids, the youngest of whom is 14, the oldest in college. I work at home, and several years ago, with my wife's full knowledge and consent, I hired a friend of ours, a mom I'll call Karen, to help me with my business. We got along fine, it was good for my business, a strictly working relationship, and she left after about 2 years to take a full time job.

She was a friend to both of ours, and she still came over often after her job ended, our kids were pals, etc. We walked dogs together. On one of these walks, she gave me a letter, asking me to read it later. When I did, it told me that she loved me, but she knew I was married, and that she couldn't keep relating to me the same way. We could no longer be friends.

The problem is, I'd fallen in love with her as well. I rushed to her and told her so. We spent a month talking tearfully back and forth before my wife found out. She was outraged, naturally, and I stopped all communication with Karen.

Ask Abbie: Losing Her To Her Work

Mr. Second To Her Career Asks:

So I have been dating this girl for a little over a year now. Things were great until her career started consuming her life and distancing her from me. Now, don't get me wrong, I want her to be successful but I feel neglected. I don't hear from her for extended periods of time, sometimes days. When I do hear from her all she really says is she is busy with work or to ask me to do something for her. At this point I feel like an unpaid intern on call 24 hours a day, rearranging my personal life to preform menial tasks for someone else for no compensation. 

Overexposed (NSFW)

Every once in a while what looks like a loss can be turned into a gem.

Overexposed.

NSFW images after the jump.

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Ask Abbie: A Matter of Black And White and Ego

White Guy With Black Girl Issue Asks:

So I've been working closely with a beautiful black woman for the past couple of months. Drive her home, take her out for food and drink a couple times, turn my game up to full power, get her in a hotel (sorry she is married and I knew and didn't care. Whole nother issue). Lucky for me it seems I'm one of the white guys with a big fat dick, know what I want and, know how to give it. It's a big secret, so no one knows and, the other day I overhear her with other black coworkers talking about how she would "never fuck wit a white boy". Blah blah except this one white guy, hot, movie star or someone. I'm pissed but, more than pissed I'm hurt. Hung out one night shortly after and admittingly I was not myself, got out, got distracted but, still looking to rationally state my case to her.


For some reason I'd like to continue our relationship (probably those hips and lips) but, I really want her to understand what she did and why it was wrong, or am I wrong?

From The Vault of Abigail Ekue Photography

I had a vivid dream the other night about photography. It's calling me back. I shut my eyes and reached into the vault. Here's a selection of what I pulled out. 2010 - present.

Ask Abbie: Passion For the Bottle...Not Him

Passionless and Unfulfilled Asks:

Hi - I'm involved in what can charitably be called a passionless marriage. My wife doesn't sleep in the same room as me. She has certain personal habits, specifically heavy drinking, which turn me off. It's a cliche, but by now, I stay in it for the kids. On the plus side they're 17 and 20, and will soon be on their own. Yet if I divorce, my wife will have no means of support and would probably wind up on the street. Despite my frustration, I don't want to leave her to fate for what I consider an addiction, but one she refuses to even acknowledge.


In terms of my owns needs and desires, I do have a sex drive which is very unfulfilled My question to you is, do you think it would be cheating for me to find sex outside of marriage? I'm attracted to many women I see, but I can't get myself to follow up with them. I appreciate any advice you have.

Ask Abbie: Sex Doesn't Last

Not Getting Enough Asks:

Let's start off with sex, we don't have any. He thrusts 3 times and stops for a while sometimes he'll be too tired to continue. He always wants to be on top as well and sex is getting boring. When I do go on top he slips outta me and softens up. Any tips because I wanna take control with no mistakes and wow him to spice our relationship.

Pie Face NYC

Pie Face is Native Creative Concierge™ approved

Due to the fact that I haven't been to Australia yet, the only taste of Down Under I've had thus far is a burger creation at The Sunburnt Cow (another Hurricane Sandy casualty) a few years ago.

I can now add a stacked Philly Cheese Steak pie.

It was free.

But it was not in lieu of compensation for this endorsement. Au contraire. I went to Pie Face to satisfy my curiosity and sweet tooth on a Saturday afternoon and ended up walking out with dinner.

Feeling Great About Work

I've been working a lot lately. Native Creative Concierge™ and all the things related to it have kept me busy over the past month. And I've loved it. The obvious reason would be my business is gaining traction, so why wouldn't I feel good about that? Exactly. The work is meaningful to me.


But also the process of the work -- the paperwork (which I usually procrastinate on, got done), the inquiries and referrals that I have to respond to "seal the deal" have me flexing my communication muscles, designing my business cards and having those delivered, spending a few days with a corporate client while they were in NY being able to take photos and eat where Anthony Bourdain ate are all pluses. The planning of my Boozy Treats Tour, the food events in the "event proposal stages" and the networking needed to have those events become a reality are all rolling right along.

Tribeca Film Festival - Midnight

The Tribeca Film Festival Midnight section (formerly known as Cinemania) has been rebranded for this year's festival and offers seven films. features horror movies and thrillers where strong women dominate. Midnight programmer Cara Cusumano sums it up, "Featuring telekinetic children, mad scientists and middle-class suburban cannibals, this year's Midnight section is more diverse and entertaining than ever before, and a true celebration of the innovative, risky and groundbreaking stories and styles that can only be found in genre cinema." Films from the Midnight section include Dark Touch, Frankenstein's Army, Fresh Meat and Raze.

They look like creepy, bloody fun.

Ask Abbie: Always A Cheater, Never Alone

Lost Asks:

Okay ....I'm a 39 year old man married for over 15 years....I have 2 kids who I love...Now here's my problem. ...I've never been faithful to my wife. She knows about the other women...but I promised every time to leave them alone... I've always looked and found someone to have sex with have fun with. ...everything you're supposed to do with your wife. I've had several girls on the side but one in particular has been there for years, over 10.... I know shame on me. ...I've wanted to leave and be with her but I would chicken out...Now that I really want to, she doesn't.... My question is how do you move on to loving your wife and not the other woman? Please help me...Signed lost..