Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Random Musings on Empty Vaginas

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I didn't choose celibacy. I didn't choose abstinence.

A girl friend recently referred to me as a nun. Me! A nun!

Yesterday I threw out 4 jars of chocolate body frosting (assorted flavors). Why? They expired.

Circumstances have left it so that I haven't had sex in 2011. You may be thinking that's only about a month and a half. I didn't have sex on December 31. No words can express how unnatural this is for me.

Masturbation helps. Exercise helps. They do not cure.

I need food. I need sleep. I need... it.

When I'm going full speed ahead on a project or "busy with life", I don't need as much but it's still a necessary physical release (besides my workouts). It also keeps me focused. Mentally, I'm clearer. I need a Garbage Man! Jump to the 4:13 mark in the video.

I was going through my novel last night, to find an excerpt I could choose for publication on Valentine's Day. The novel isn't erotic but there are sex scenes. That, my dears, didn't help my situaton. "I wrote that?" I thought to myself. Even at 23 years old, I knew it was important to have a balance between work and play and to be, um, flexible.

Things are so bad that I even tweeted that I may do something drastic if I don't have sex soon. I usually keep those sorts of comments/thoughts off Twitter. Maybe Twitter is the reason folks aren't connecting. Too much time is spent thumbing a BB instead of fingering a pu... you get where I'm going. A member of my Twitter fam wondered if it was the smart-strong-pretty-woman thing scaring away the men. That may be part of the problem I'm sure. It's sad that it's still unusual for a woman to be in control of her sexual desires, to express said desires, have them fulfilled and enjoy it.

But moving right along...

Now for the remedy. Currently I don't have a bed buddy. I'm single and I choose not enter into an exclusive, monogamous relationship just to have sex. I've had friends-with-benefits but those arrangements eventually run their course. Why not ask another friend to help out, you ask? Cause quite frankly, lately they're bums, lazy or über-emotional.

Also some men can't handle the fact that they're merely coveted for sex. "What do you mean you only want me for my penis?"

Yes, it does happen. I don't want to talk to you, or hear about your day. Think Lucretia and Crixus (watch Spartacus). She summons him when she wants to be serviced. He does the do even if he's tired or wounded. There may still be a bond between the two but it's easily severed if he decides he doesn't want to perform or if he can't. NOTE: I fell in love with Spartacus last year and have been catching up on Gods of the Arena this week. The production is great. The drama and violence, I love. It's such a hedonistic spectacle. And watching it in my current condition is not helping.

On the flip side, if you have sexual relations and do want more with some men it's, "Oh, you want too much." I assure you, if I want more from you, you will know. If I only want your body, you will know.

So when this drought ends, and it will end, I won't accept any:

Peter Pans
"Vegetarians" or "Vegans". We both need to eat meat.
OCD Nipple Twiddlers
Edward Scissorhands wannabes. Cut your fingernails.
Whiskey (wine) dick, Jameson Jock, whatever name you wanna give it. It's a real affliction. And unless you're dealing with someone who has Tequila Twat, it's not gonna fly.

Expect that your performance will be expected to last more than 15 mins and please follow these instructions.

1 comment:

  1. This is so my life right now i could have written this myself smh


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