Saturday, February 19, 2011

Sex Diary Exposé

I recently wrote about my lack of sexual activity over the past few months. The angst it's causing. The stress it's producing (instead of releasing). The sheer and utter dumbfounded-ness I'm experiencing over the situation...

Will I tell you when this drought ends?

Great question.

I tweeted a few months ago that when I do write about a lover, that person is soon gone from my bed. It's like a sexual obituary. I don't want to jinx a delicious thing. So maybe I won't. I also consider the other person; don't want to share too much about them. They may not be cool with it. To further protect the identity of my bedmates, I change names and details or fictionalize. When I want to share a true story, I wait until some time has passed before I share i.e. the lovely, long-lasting after effects of Kismet Kevin.

When I was at a loss of what to blog about a few weeks ago, I considered keeping a sex diary. I would blog everyday about anything that happened to me relating to sex, dating, loving. I kept a sex diary a few years ago for New York magazine. It was published.

That sex diary was pretty tame -- some emails with a dude on CL who wanted to take a trip. A great date with filet mignon and a nice guy sans sex, some masturbation and the writing of a porn review.

It was anonymous.

In 2009, the editor from New York magazine contacted me about being featured in their sex issue -- sex diarists who were interested would be featured, photographed... exposed.

I was fine with that.

I'm still more than willing to do another sex diary for the magazine and I'd also share some experiences on this blog. MY blog.

I recently read an article, "The Naked Truth", in the Bust Magazine Sex issue on the backlash of women sex bloggers. These women -- Lisa Chen, Melissa Petro, Kendra Holliday -- are vilified and fired from jobs (or not hired at all) because they're sexually-active women who write about it. Shame.

Is that why I haven't found a job? Well, Playboy, I'm more than willing to accept your money at this point.

I haven't had any reporters ambushing me, but I can relate to the sexual objectification received because I write about sex. Assumptions have been made that I'd perform the acts I write about with any man who flirts with me (or who I flirt with). There are ripples of shock and awe when I admit to the things I haven't done. My comfort with my sexuality (and that of others) puts many people on edge. "I can't believe she said that!" "How is she OK with that?"

I'm not committing libel or slander. I'm telling my honest story. What happened to the applause for honesty?

So I'm still not sure if I'll tell the story of the man that "makes the rains come"; I'll decide while I bask in the afterglow.


  1. I am still contemplating getting my Master's in Nursing and I keep thinking will I even get a job after being a sex blogger? So. I write more instead of less and I continue to share my real life (s)experiences. I think if more women were honest about what their sex lives really looked like there would be less stigma pertaining to women and our sexuality. Keep writing sis! I'll continue to read!

  2. That is the "issue" -- the stigma around women's sexuality/sex lives. It's upsetting when I read about women losing jobs or not being hired because they wrote an honest account of what they've done or experienced.

    Thanks for reading!


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