Sunday, June 16, 2013

Ask Abbie: Is Being a Single Father That Much of a Turn off?

Single Father Asks:

Hi there,

To tell you the truth, i ask myself daily, what is it about the mention of kids, people just up and run from me?

I look around, and i know quite a few guys out there that have children and refuse to care for them, but yet i see all of these guys dating and not caring for anyone but themselves.

I guess it just really bothers me that a man such as myself, has a job, pays my bills, takes responsibility for his actions, and takes care of his children is just frequently ignored by the fairer sex.

I only have my children Friday night thru Sunday night every week, and the rest of the week i just go thru the motions. Is it really that important that a Friday night and Saturday night be an available option when dating? Can't something like this be overlooked? There are so many confusing things when it comes to dating and being a father, and i just dont get any of it..

Can you enlighten me?

Ask Abbie Answers:

There are a lot of reasons why a woman would choose not to date a man with children. Some women do not want to "share" their man with his children. As it should be, your children should be your priority and some women are not willing to come second. It's their right to choose that. Children are a responsibility and a sacrifice. Your life changes when you have children as I'm sure you know. That also goes for your dating life. Women don't have to take on the responsibility of your children. A partner or mate who has children isn't something that people can simply "overlook". If you're looking for a meaningful relationship, do you want to be with someone who will overlook a major part of who you are? Yes, you are a single man but you are also a father who is active in his children's lives. That can't be overlooked.

Not all women like children. So you having children may be a turn-off to them.

Specifically to your case, you have your children on the weekends -- the very nights most people are out dating and quite possibly trying to forget their responsibilities. The weekends may be a woman's only time to date and socialize but you have your children on those days. So right from the get-go you're letting women know that you are not available to them or on the other end of the spectrum that they might have to spend time with you AND your children (eeep!). That can be way too much for some women.

Being responsible, taking care of your children, having a job, paying your bills doesn't take away from your appeal to a woman who doesn't mind that you have children. Right now, it seems like you're only meeting women who want nothing to do with a man with children.

And then there's the children's mother. Since you have shared custody, you still have a relationship with your children's mother. Baby Mama drama is real. IF you do have that sort of storyline in your life, that's not going to make it easy for any woman to be with you, even if she is fine with the fact that you have children. You may not have any Baby Mama drama. Some women won't stick around long enough to find out if you do or don't.

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If you have a health, nutrition, fitness, body image, dating & relationships or sex question, send me an email or fill out the form on my website About page or Written Word page.

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