Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Fluid Retention

Sprawled out on the bench, legs cocked up on the handrails and spread eagle, without sufficient underwear, a bunch of grapes barely covering the crotch, incoherent rambling. 

That was the sight on my subway ride home at about 1:30 in the morning. A drunk woman. There's nothing more unattractive. Yes, I'm going to display a double-standard. I don't like drunk men either and especially not drunk drivers(!), but you know what, for the walking drunk, I'm more accepting of men making fools of themselves. Belligerent drunk men can walk into oncoming traffic if they so choose. But for a woman to get to that point... Where is your couth? Your grace? I'm not anti-alcohol. I love me some vodka and tequila, Baileys, white wine, champagne etc. Having a few drinks with friends is great. I'm a social drinker. After my first sip, I become intoxicated - not only from the alcohol but from the company. People intoxicate me (some more than know who you are) 

The one time I threw up due to drinking was very surprising and uncomfortable. In between heaves into the toilet, I pleaded, "Why is this happening to me?" I wasn't even drunk! I've been around women whose main objective when they go out is to get wasted and have that moment on the toilet! Why would you do that to yourself? Vomiting is so uncomfortable! And I'll never comprehend drinking so much that I have no memory of the night before. Drinking is a veil for many a lonely soul. What's so bad in your life that you're trying so hard to forget? Will the STDs or unplanned pregnancy be worth it? Do you get drunk because it'll help you open up and talk to people or enjoy the party more? Maybe you're just a shy person. Constantly getting drunk aint gonna help you. Then the feigned shame - oh my god, I can't believe I did that! Yeah, bitch, but you're gonna do it again next weekend. So shut up.

I've noticed something and I want to see if anyone else does. Next time you're out at a party or bar, find the woman wearing a lot of makeup. She'll probably be the one getting drunk. Women who drink a lot ruin their looks. Their skin is dry and sallow, lips cracked and chapped, dark circles under their eyes due to liver damage (all which they try to cover with too much makeup) and thin hair (which they may cover up with wigs or weaves).

I also think those "ladies" drink the way they do to somehow impress men. If they can go drink for drink with a man that somehow makes them cool. Nope. I love my male friends and their honesty. A drunk woman aint a pretty sight for them either. You are less attractive. You're embarrassing and you somehow become their responsibility and end up dragging them down if they have to "watch you". Or you become hyperemotional and make a scene. I was out on Monday night and this woman "walked" in. Her weave was disheveled and her eyes took a bit longer to focus. She was also talking at that too-loud level. As she passed by us towards the bar, I just shook my head because I could just tell. A guy also shook his head and laughed when she walked by. When we shared a smile, I asked what was so funny and he told me, "That woman look like she been through some things." He wasn't impressed. No desire to fuck her or talk to her.  The man who would rather deal with a woman who is in an altered state of consciousness isn't the kind of man you should want to deal with anyway, but that's all drunk women are going to attract. 

Know your limit, ladies. Getting so drunk that you're breaking your ankles because your motor skills are shot or falling off toilets while you're trying to take a piss is terrible. Try working on your issues before you try to drown them in alcohol or drown in your own vomit.


  1. Hi Abigail. I loved this post. I'm not a big drinker so I'm with you with the where's your grace? cmmt. Here's to getting intoxicated on friends, love and life!


  2. We've talked about this and I have been everything, sober (as of late), buzzed, tipsy and shit-faced. I have never found myself with grapes in my crotch though. LOL

    "Yeah, bitch, but you're gonna do it again next weekend." I almost fell of my chair laughing at that.

    I'm the chick with the makeup! Okay, I'm not sure about that. But I'm on the lookout now!

  3. It's beyond disgusting to see it and what's worse is one of your friends may have to deal with your drunkenness and keep you from either hurting yourself or someone from hurting you. Honestly I can not fathom getting 'wasted' on purpose yet people both male and female do it daily. That's just sad. There's one thing to down a bottle of Jack in the comfort of your own home, to forget your troubles. But to make a night of drinking out in public then make a total ass of yourself is absolutely, unacceptable.


Popular Posts