Monday, April 27, 2009

From The Mouths Of Bums

On my way to soak up some sun this 80+ degree weekend (it's April, it ain't right, but I adapt), I took a short train ride to the Brooklyn Bridge. I wasn't on the train but 2 minutes before this older, slim, no-teeth-in-his-mouth Black man came through the car. He was talking out loud but kept looking back telling "someone" not to take his cigarettes. He proceeded to tell this person they could take his car, his wife, but not to fuck with his cigarettes. Ok, he was harmless enough. He eventually took a seat across from me and a few feet to my right. I really need to stop making eye contact with people, but I can't help it. He slid to the edge of his seat and started talking at/to/with(?) me (apparently my sunglasses aren't tinted enough). He edutained me with his lesson: Why commit murder illegally when you can go to Iraq or Afghanistan and commit it legally? "I'm 61 years old!" he told us, "I got four more years! Yeah, I gotta gripe, but I ain't gonna murder nobody in America. I went down to the VA and was like, 'send me to Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea...' I signed up for all that! I could go over there and kill somebody!"


Then he went on to say that there's no point killing someone in America cause "they's gon catch you and you gon end up locked up for 25 years" and how they "found Ayatollah and strung his ass up".


He stretched his lanky legs out in front of him and had his hands between his thighs. He went back to talk about his gripes and how he'd still get his rent money and kill people if the Army shipped him overseas (insert old man, kinda-crazy laugh here). I got distracted at this point because an older white man got on the train at Grand Army Plaza and took the seat right next to my "professor" and then proceeded to tell him "Shh!" and "Go easy on my ear" while covering it up. Are you kidding me? Anyway, at some point during his rant, he started talking about his daughter's attempted murder. His oldest daughter is 42 and he was asking out loud, "How you gonna try to kill someone over some crack-cocaine? You ain't got nothing to live for if you gonna try to kill a woman over some crack-cocaine. I took that pistol and I whipped him. My daughter? He tryna kill my daughter? But I ain't kill him though." The story came back around to going to Iraq or Afghanistan to kill somebody and get $250 extra in his VA check (insert old man, kinda-crazy laugh here). 


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