Friday, October 7, 2011

I Didn't Ask To See Your Penis

Note: The above was NOT forcibly removed
"Storm Drain", Man. Toy.

These matter how old, they just love to whip it out

That's a text message I received from a girlfriend after I told her I'd received a dick pic seconds before. I replied to her: Yeah! It's like their badge or something!

Men and their penises.

They love to show them off.

Even when you didn't plead to see it.

Even if they've never met you.

Why do I need to see it before I even know your last name? While on my online dating excursion I've noticed men even post photos of their penises when they claim they're looking for "friends" or just "someone to chill with" (The dudes who come right out and say "I wanna hook up, here's what you're getting" are "exempt"; honesty counts).

I've received the "Good Morning" dick pic text and the "Miss You" dick pic. Consensual sexting between two adults is one thing, but you're not going to entice me with the "Totally Random, Unsolicited, Never Discussed Sex With You Before But Here's My Dick" dick pic. What are men thinking when they send those photos? Or maybe it's not them, maybe their little buddies are sending these messages without their knowledge.

My inbox has been filled with photos of penises ranging from flaccid to fully erect, the overhead shot where you can see their bathroom floor tiles and that one foot turned out more than the other, the lying down shot where he's holding it straight up (a great way to calculate size--one & and half fists? two?), the torso-to-balls shot (I always find myself looking at the linea alba and iliac crest and not the penis) the side/profile shot (great to fill up the frame and give the illusion of size)...the list goes on. I ask them what possessed them to send the photo or I ignore it and they receive no response at all. That usually puts an end to the harassment.

I felt Ann's pain on the season premiere of Parks and Recreation. It all started when Joe emailed a photo of his penis to all the women in the Pawnee government because "if you've got a nice drain pipe, there's no reason to hide it." Subsequently, Ann's email was flooded with penis pics once everyone found out she was a nurse and could possibly diagnose any ailments they might have. For me, it only gets worse when they find out about some of my writing (and they don't always start with photos)

I had a man tell me, and I quote, "I love to have my penis played with and shown off."

Women send sexy photos--cleavage pressed together, pouty lips, ass-swallowing-thong and even snapshots of their lady bits (I've done it) but is it to the same degree of men sending photos of their penis? And to complete strangers? In both instances, there may be a search for acceptance--I just showed you my penis. What do you think--about it, about me? So, it's not always a sexual thing, got it.

I didn't respond to that last photo that was emailed to me. Here's the next email I received:

And the polite thing to do is to, at the very least, acknowledge that someone had sent you a pic of their cock. 

Yeah, but I didn't ask for it.

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The Viral Email

The Owner of the Drainpipe

Can I Show You My Dong?

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