This morning, half way between awake and sleep I was having one of my visions. I differentiate those from lucid dreams because I'm clearly conscious and thinking. Anyway, in this vision I was changing my baby's diapers. She had both hands in her mouth, cooing away, relishing the feeling of the cool baby wipe over her booty and baby coochie. Just chilling.
When I put her legs down, she looked at me. She stopped moving her saliva-covered hands and looked at me. I looked back down at her.
We looked at each other.
The man, the child's father (he wasn't clear in the vision), walked by the bedroom door then doubled back. He asked why I was looking at the baby that way.
"She looked at me."
He kinda shrugged off my comment. Not sure what to say, "She's always looking at you..."
"Nooo... she'll look in my direction, maybe follow the sound of my voice but babies don't really see, they don't focus right away."
I held eye contact with my baby. Both our gazes darting back and forth between left and right eye.
"But she's looking at me. She sees me."
In my vision and in my half-awake state I wondered if I was being selfish. I was focused more on the fact that my baby saw me. I should've been happy that she'd reached a developmental milestone, right? But no, my child looked at me for the first time, she was aware of me. Her mother. That fact was life-altering. Sure there's a biological bond between mother and child. I wonder if the first person a child sees as any impact on their life and development
That's pretty much where the vision dissolved into another scene. I stood nude at the edge of the bed looking down at my baby who was looking at me. She was seeing me.
I'd love to hear from mothers. What was that moment like for you; when your baby first saw you?
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