Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Porn The Way I Like It



I watch porn. I go through my moments where I binge. Clicking through pornhub to view the latest uploads. It's funny, the majority of the time I don't watch porn for arousal it's more curiosity or boredom. Over the years, I developed certain tastes, there are certain elements I must have in the porn and things I don't want to see. I'm sure the psychoanalysts are lining up to take notes.




Nothing longer than 5 minutes

I don't need a scene longer than 5 minutes. I may click on a particular video because of the thumbnail but I assure you I'm skipping over any stripteases, blowjobs or attempts at dialogue or acting. 5 minutes is really all I need in porn to get the point.


Anal

I like to watch anal sex scenes. The view is great. You get to see the pussy and witness penetration. I'm partial to anal sex in missionary/spread eagle or spooning/scissors scenes. Very few doggy-style scenes do it for me. I don't like when the woman is on top. The pile driver is a bit much. If you catch me on a good day, I may watch that for more than a few seconds. Two girls with toys? Brazilian Shemales? Put it in the butt. But please, enough with the spit. Use lube.


Short finger nails

I hate to see women with long fingernails in porn. I don't know how that can possibly feel good, getting your insides scrapped with acrylic. And for hygienic reasons, I cringe when I see solo or girl-on-girl scenes featuring women with talons.


No Monster Cocks

I'd rather watch a penis that can remain erect, thank you. It's so frustrating for me to watch porn where the dude has to hold his penis the entire time. And you have the women cooing about having this big dick fucking her, when barely the head is inside her or if more is inside or there's no thrust because it's soft.


No kissing

This aint a romance or softcore on Showtime or Cinemax. Leave the making out for another time. I watch porn for sex, not kissing.


Toys and/or squirting

When I watch porn where the participants use toys (solo masturbation, fuck machines, bondage/forced orgasm, sybians), I'm usually rewarded with the visual of a squirting orgasm. I also love to see couples use toys in porn. To me it's more realistic that a woman would have an orgasm with a vibe on her clit while being penetrated by... whatever. And you know I'm a realist!


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