Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Ask Abbie: All She Wants For Her Birthday Is Him...And Him

This husband wonders if he should give his wife the birthday present she really wants -- him and another man.

Thinking About The Threesome Asks:

Ok here goes, 
My wife just turned 45 & we've been married 24 years. She was a virgin when we met & has never been with another man. She's recently told me that she is curious about having a threesome with another man & myself. This surprised me because she's always been very conservative in bed. She said I could pick out the guy if I wanted. Should we go through with this? Is this a common female fantasy? I think maybe she's starting to feel like she's getting older & wants to feel attractive again. Any insight would be appreciated.

Ask Abbie Answers:

I do think part of your wife's desire and request for a threesome is because she hasn't been with any other man other than you. So there is a natural curiosity as to "what else is out there" or what can he do, what will it be like with him instead of him, stuff like that.

It says a lot for the state of your relationship that she was able to come to you with this -- shows there is trust in your relationship, candor and it's clearly an experience she wants to share with you. As for whether you should go through with it there are the basic mechanics of a threesome as well as the emotions that may come up during and after. Some things for you to consider: Do you think you'd be comfortable witnessing your wife perform on or receive oral sex from another man? Same question goes with penetration. Some men are aroused watching their wives/partners with other men, for other men the thought simply turns their stomach. I don't know the particulars of what your wife has asked, but if she desires double penetration, will you be comfortable with that? It's not an issue for some men. Others may have rules as to which "opening" the other man is allowed in while for some men the thought of having their penis that close to another man's penis won't fly.

Will you feel insecure in comparison to the other man? She's giving you the green light to choose who the two of you decide to bring into your relationship for this experience. If you decide to go through with it, make sure you choose from a place of "my wife will enjoy this/him", "I'll be OK with this man" and don't choose someone merely because you want to "look better to your wife" or because you don't want to be dwarfed (literally or psychologically) by him. During the encounter, she may pay more attention to him than to you. He may pay attention to her and to you. All possible outcomes to consider.

Her request might have something to do with wanting to feel attractive again or it might be simply she wants to have the experience. The physical sensations for a woman in an MFM threesome are intense, toe-curling... Psychologically, it can be a turn-on for a woman to be "serviced" by two men or to be "used" by two men. Everyone has different sexual triggers.

Before you decide to go through with the threesome, you can set ground rules, decide what's on and off-limits and the 3 of you should meet up in a non-sexual environment to feel each other out, get more comfortable, discuss sexual and medical histories etc. Play safe.


I heard back from Thinking About The Threesome a few days after our exchange. Looks like all things are a go --  

"Thanks for your good advice. I took it into account when thinking this over. I picked out a younger man I know from the gym who's in really good shape. He came over for dinner last night just to meet my wife & everything went really well. We're all going out on Friday night & we'll see what happens.
Thanks again"

Men, could you pick out a man for your wife?

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If you have a dating & relationship, sex, fitness, health, nutrition or body image question, send it to AskAbbie AT abigailekue DOT com or fill out the form on my website About page or Written Word page.


  1. There is a sweetness in his words. And a very, helpful thorough answer you gave.

    1. Yes, I agree. It was an unusual request to him but his love was strong enough that he'd even consider doing it.

      When I heard back from him I told him it sounded like things would work out either way it went.

  2. I think its great that you didnt say he shouldnt. You were positive. Ive done this for my wife, and she loves it, and says it makes her feel powerful. She also added that its about time women get a thresome this way, lol


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