Friday, March 1, 2013

Ask Abbie: How Can I Tell If She's Lying?

He contacted me with this question: How can I tell if she's lying? 

This one goes deeper than lies...

Whipped Willie Asks: 

Ok I need some advice. I'm a dude. Basically imma wrap a long ass story short...I met a girl on craigslist. Wanted me to critique her work. She ends up asking me to make love to her. Typical of me, I did. Says the sex was the most beautiful experience ever. Whatever. I get attached. She gets addicted. 

Now she tells me her life story, and for a month now we've been having heated arguments and on-the-verge-of-cutting-each-other-off moments because of my jealousy and anger issues, which I have fixed. But she, too, has anger issues and has a history of being unfaithful. I don't know she seems perfect except for the fact she's a sex addict. 

And that she's still in love with her ex who physically abused her and killed five of her babies from him, did shit like push her down the stairs and punch her in the gut. They still talk and hang out and now she's moving into his Mom's house where he still lives. She swears I'm the only guy she has sex with and I've been trying to make her mine. But idk what to do or believe. I want to catch her in the lie, I have no proof, the only way I'll be able to just drop her is by making her admit she's fucking other men, and what I'm gonna do is hack her phone via Bluetooth, it's only for myself so I can drop her without having to go through the shitty emotional process. She actually challenged me and offered to give me all her passwords and accounts which now I regret not taking advantage of. 

The only reason I was jealous is because I fucking know her history, or else I wouldn't be like this. I don't want to go through withdrawal, my ex cheated on me and I couldn't move on till I caught her and that's when I regained my composure and tossed her aside with ease. I hate this feeling yo. 

I'm afraid of her using and abusing me, I don't want to be that nigga. And now it seems as if I'm whipped.  She told me she didn't want to feed her addiction by having sex with me, damn  ok, so all I was is an expert dildo to her. This is an emotional mindfuck. She's leading me on telling me she wants to get married one day. She almost made me get her pregnant, which honestly I was about to do. Idk what held me back. Right now she's talking about staying by my side, which confuses me even though my gut says she's full of crap.

What can you tell me? Do you need more details to give better advice?

Ask Abbie Answers:

I do not need more details to tell you that you need to break away from this situation sooner than later. It's good that you're aware of your jealousy (which stems from insecurity) so you have to address that. You do get it. She's leading you on. All your fights and arguments are keeping you tied to her. Any contact is good contact. It must stop. 

Judging from the history you gave, she either needs drama and seeks it all the time. Plus she is still involved with the man who has abused her and caused her to lose her pregnancies. They still talk and hang out and now she'll be living with him. They will have sex if they're not having sex already. She's a sex addict. She's addicted to sex not you. And if the sex comes with drama, sex addicts still want the sex and will do anything to get it.

Don't hack her phone. No good can come of that. That will only deepen the emotional entanglement. Delete her number and block hers. Even if you had her passwords, that wouldn't stop her from cheating on you or hurting you. If you do hack her phone and catch her in the lie, that only proves to her that she has you whipped to the point that you're willing to go through all that. Go through a few days of withdrawal from her and you'll be better for it. Going through the pain teaches you. Not to mention you don't know what could happen if her ex finds out she's still in contact with you.  

You got attached because of the sex. It happens  You are whipped. Why are you trying to "make her yours"? You can't. She's moving in with a man who abuses her. Remember that. Until she gets help for herself, you can't help her. Consider this, if you weren't having sex with her, would you get involved with someone like her, in her situation, with her addiction? 

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If you have a dating & relationship, sex, fitness, health, nutrition or body image question, send it to AskAbbie AT abigailekue DOT com or fill out the form on my website About page or Written Word page.

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