Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Ask Abbie: Always A Cheater, Never Alone

Lost Asks:

Okay ....I'm a 39 year old man married for over 15 years....I have 2 kids who I love...Now here's my problem. ...I've never been faithful to my wife. She knows about the other women...but I promised every time to leave them alone... I've always looked and found someone to have sex with have fun with. ...everything you're supposed to do with your wife. I've had several girls on the side but one in particular has been there for years, over 10.... I know shame on me. ...I've wanted to leave and be with her but I would chicken out...Now that I really want to, she doesn't.... My question is how do you move on to loving your wife and not the other woman? Please help me...Signed lost..

Ask Abbie Answers:

Have you ever thought that it doesn't have to be a choice between your wife or the other woman? What about being by yourself. Do you always have to "have someone"? You chickened out on being with the other woman and it seems like you're too scared to be alone. Your side piece got tired of being a side piece and I'm guessing you know your wife won't be very forgiving again. Are you cheating on your wife strictly for sexual reasons? If you have to learn to love your wife after 15 years, I don't know that it's worth it. You made it clear that you love your kids which is great but they're no reason to stay in a loveless marriage. I'm gonna guess by your age and how long you've been married that you never got a chance to "sow your wild oats", to "play the field" and you ended up doing so while married -- for the experience and also because you're not happy in the marriage.

If things are really over between you and your women on the side and you want to stay married for the right reasons and not out of guilt or obligation, you're going to have to start from square one. You know that means telling your wife what's been going on, giving her the right to make an informed decision. It's gonna hurt, you're going to be scared, there will be yelling and tears but the true feelings have to be expressed.

Has your wife ever threatened to leave you? The prospect of being alone was never real to you. You had no real "reason" to stop fucking other women and merely saying what your wife wants to hear was enough until the next time you stepped out on your marriage. What you have to do is be alone. Do some growing up and soul searching. You'll still have time with your kids but I don't think you will be good in any relationship while going through this.

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