Monday, March 11, 2013

Ask Abbie: Wearing My Heart On My Kidney


Kidney Ken Asks:

OK how do I tell a girl that I need a kidney transplant when I first meet her? Not that I want hers but this issue holds me back from seeking out women because I've been rejected before when I said I need one. So... how can I say "hi I am [name redacted] 42 5'11 170 pounds work in a condo O by the way any day now I could go into kidney failure don't worry I am on a kidney list and will be out of work for three months if I do get transplanted."

I really think women don't want nothing to do with me because of my sickness. It's hopeless.

Ask Abbie Answers:

Well unfortunately, in your case, it is something you have to bring up early on in a relationship. Yes, make it clear you are informing her because she needs to know, not because you are mining her for her organs. It wouldn't be fair for your girlfriend to find out when you collapse or by getting a call from the hospital when you've been admitted.

On the flip side, telling her sooner than later, saves you the emotional work of falling for someone only to find out she's not going to be there for you long term  Your honesty will attract a woman who won't mind your sickness and will want to be with you no matter what. You have to understand some people cannot handle being with someone sick, especially if it is a terminal illness. Others will do what they have to do for someone they love. They need all the facts to make the decision to be with you or not.

I hear you think it's hopeless but you are still here, clearly in good enough health to work and those are pluses. Try not to meet women with a woe-is-me attitude, that can be a bigger turn-off than needing the kidney transplant.

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If you have a dating & relationship, sex, fitness, health, nutrition or body image question, send an email or fill out the form on my website About page or Written Word page.

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