Sunday, March 24, 2013

Ask Abbie: So Glad She's Gone

Is it OK to feel better when your partner is gone?

Needs Solitude Asks:

I've been seeing someone for awhile. Love her, truly but I lack a connection somewhere. What I mean is she's been away and I haven't really missed her. I've thought about her and hope her trip is going well, but I think I dread her return somewhat. The solitude has been needed (I can't remember the last time I had all this time to myself) and I know I'll feel crowded and looked to for attention upon her return.

Plain truth is that I lack intimacy with her often. I don't really want to talk to her and tell her what's on my mind. I just want to be left alone, mostly. Sometimes it's fun to hang out together, but then I'll want to be left alone.

We've been together for years...

My head feels all f**ked up. My heart too.

Ask Abbie Answers:

I think you need to break up with her. You may like her as a person but there's no reason to be in a relationship with her if you don't want to be. There's an assumption that because you like someone or are attracted to them that you have to be with them. That's not the case. If the bad or boring outweighs the good and you're not willing to try to change the dynamic between you two, end it.

You need to tell her how you feel. You don't want to talk to her but this is a conversation you need to have. You'll be stating what you like and need. It doesn't have to be a case of her pleading her case and convincing you to stay. I would hope she would want to be with someone who wants to be with her. You never know, she might be enjoying her time away from you as well. Every relationship doesn't last forever. It is OK and at times necessary to say goodbye. It's OK to feel sad or unsure of what lies ahead of the break-up but it'll be for the best. So have the conversation. Don't put it off. Don't continue to dread being with her. That's not a way to live. That's a huge reason why your heart and head are fucked up -- you're not happy. Why allow someone to make you feel that way?

Now if you decide you want to stay with her, you need to lay down some new ground rules. Is she needy or clingy? I noticed you said you can't remember the last time you had all this time to yourself. Both of you should maintain your own lives and interests. Seeing anyone 24/7 will wear on you, even someone you're in a relationship with.

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If you have a health, nutrition, fitness, body image, dating & relationships or sex question, send me an email or fill out the form on my website About page or Written Word page.

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