Saturday, March 28, 2009

Too Much To Handle

Maybe I'm just a pervert, but when I meet someone new my mind runs on sex at some point. Even when I'm not sexually attracted to them, I'll wonder what their sex life is like or how they even manage to have sex. The former and latter refers to fat people. I'm talking waddling-not-walking fat and things-getting-lost-on-your-body fat. Do they have sex? With that extra weight, what are the mechanics like? I couldn't be with a person where we have to lift parts of their body out of the way (an episode of Inside Brookhaven Obesity Clinic had a shower scene that amazed me). Even someone who isn't morbidly obese, are their sexual positions limited? How easy is it for them to masturbate?

On Family Guy, I wonder about Peter and Lois. Same with Fred and Wilma or Homer and Marge. Is it easier for a smaller woman to accommodate a large man? They're very few depictions of fat women with skinny men. When they are portrayed there are jokes about her smothering him or the man getting trapped between her breasts or butt cheeks. Interestingly enough, the woman still has a sex life and libido. But being overweight or obese sends your hormones out of wack, diminishes libido, causes erectile dysfunction and can affect fertility. Not to mention that sex is a physical act which requires some sort of stamina and endurance. 

Society has developed catch phrases to "deal" with this issue - more cushion for the pushin', more to love, I aint fat, I got curves - or we describe big (round and soft) dudes as teddy bears. I'll hug a teddy bear but a teddy bear doesn't make my juices flow. I've had guy friends be brutally honest with me - they don't wanna be with a "big girl". They don't want to have to hold up someone's legs cause she can't hold them up herself. Or they'll see an overweight woman, notice her pretty face and that she looks put together in her clothes but then wonder what her body looks like after things aren't being held in place by clothes or Spanx. Everyone has a preference and like everything else, there's someone out there who loves what you don't, even to the extreme - the fat fetishist.


  1. Then curiousities than run amuck when this topic crosses my eyes...

    True enough, the her-heavy; him-thin senario has been used for years, even in illustrated comicstrips...

    The physical limitations are an issue, I'm sure. Which leads me to wonder why anyone would want to be sexual with someone that can barely walk or breathe with some normality...let alone do any of the activities that are required to be intimate.

    The same jokes that we've seen over the years can be applied to the young lady that's with the fat dude...I saw scene in "Notorious" where 'Lil' Kim' was riding 'Biggie' (if she wasn't cute...truth be told...I WOULDN'T HAVE WATCHED THE SCEN...I thought to myself..."how'd she pull that off?" I then thought "they should only be able to do doggy style or standing missionary!" I need to ask some folks ON FILM!!!

    I'm serious, THIS topic would be a dope documentary! Tenative title..."WHY I LOVE 'EM BIG"

  2. I'm sure positions are limited and some are just impossible. Also, like you said, weight affects hormones and libido. I can say from experience. When I was at my heaviest, I was 260lbs which was considered morbidly obese because it was 100lbs over my ideal weight. And I did NOT feel sexy, I felt like hiding. it's funny because I was married back then so I had a regular partner but the sex was routine. Thank God, I lost almost all the extra weight and am really close to my goal and there's definitely a difference in sex but most importantly in attitude and body image.

    I still love Spanx, LOL.

  3. I think it is important to point out the limitations weight can have on sex, but regardless people are still sexual beings, and there are people who we may consider fat, overweight, morbidly obese (the definitions of all those things change)- and have great sex lives. So I do think a documentary would be great to do, but I think from a positive perspective that gives agency to people and not just make them jokes. I think the comedian Monique is great about her discussions about sex. Her routine in queens of comedy was cool when she talked about her being a big girl and trying to be with a big man and it being a little difficult.
    I think it is a great subject of conversation, and I think we should see more un-thin/ or above average weight people in the media as sexualized because it is life for so many people. A life filled with sex, love and everything in between.

  4. "I'll hug a teddy bear but a teddy bear doesn't make my juices flow"

    I agree! Love the bluntness of your blog!


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