One of my favorite songs of all time is U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”. I love the sound but I also identify with the message. Not in a religious sense though. But I’m still looking… I want to know about you and I. I love to listen. When someone speaks to me, I’m listening to their words and how they say those words. I love face-to-face conversations so I can hear what you tell me with your eyes, raise of your eyebrow, flare of your nostril, flick of your tongue. I have been known to play Devil’s Advocate quite a bit with my questions and I like to think it’s because of my ability to see all sides of a situation. It also encourages someone to tap into their passion when they have to defend their views, or it’s eye-opening and can stop someone in their tracks.
As I get older, the words I choose to describe myself have become more paradoxical, as have I; I am fluid, stubborn, opinionated, open-minded, empathetic, objective. There are times that I have to just disappear for a while to totally process the stimulus bombarding me on a daily basis. I am a sponge. I soak up knowledge but I also absorb others’ essences; their mannerisms, their mood, their energy. I was born a woman. I have the ability to accept and take people in and the ability to birth creations. I am intuitively aware when someone just needs the presence of another human being. That’s why I love to hug and touch and kiss. It’s unfortunate that many people aren’t comfortable in the presence of other people. Touch scares them or repulses them. I would die, literally, spiritually, if I couldn’t connect with other people.
So what’s my purpose? What am I looking for? Not sure. But I think it has something to do with healing, putting myself and my brothers and sisters at ease with themselves and their emotions and to spread positive vibes. Something like that. Like I said, I didn’t find it yet. I had a great talk with a friend last night who said he’s “going home.” What he meant was he’s going home to Africa. He’s very Pro-Black and knows that Africa is where he belongs. As I watched him say that, there was an unbelievable sense of peace that came over him.
I’m going home
We’re all trying to go home. To know someone who knows what their purpose on this earth is and to seek it is amazing and beautiful. He’s beautiful. I can’t help but love that.