Friday, October 11, 2013

Ask Abbie: Should I Say I Love You?

Gotta Get It Off My Heart Asks:

Been with my gf for a few months. Things have gotten fairly serious and are going great. Haven't felt this good about a relationship in years. I've come to realize that I've fallen head over heels in love with her. Except I can't bring myself to tell her. Not sure if she'll freak out and go running or what she may do. Would hate to ruin something that is going so well. But I'm about to explode by not confessing how I feel. What should I do? Take a chance and tell her or just wait till maybe some day she says it to me first? Any and all advice would be appreciated, thanks!!

Ask Abbie Answers:

If you feel it, say it. No need to wait for her to say it first. And please, do not say it only because you want her to say it back.
Her silence or wide-eyed stare or slow motion head shake might be all she can muster. You have to understand that hearing someone say "I love you" can be a lot to handle for some people. Give her some time to digest what you've said to her and she'll respond in her time with her own feelings. She may not feel the same way -- maybe she just really, really, really likes you. And that's not a bad thing.  

Or she may respond to your "I love you" with "I know" or "Thank you". If you can handle that, go for it. Since things are going great with the relationship, I don't see her freaking out and ending things with you. If your declaration of love comes with conditions or expectations, then that would be cause for her to go running. As long as you don't act different or treat her different after telling her you love her, then things shouldn't change between you.

To make it a little easier on yourself, don't make it a production. There has to be times when you're thinking about saying it but you hold back; pick one of those moments to do it. When you're ending a phone call (if you actually use the telephone like folks of my generation do...) or assuming you two don't live together, at the end of a date when you've walked her home or when you're leaving her place the next morning, say you're usual "good-bye", "have a good day", "I'll text you when I get home" and just follow it with your "I love you." No need to explain it to her, no need to apologize for saying it. Just put it out there and own your feelings. And again, please, please, please do not say it if you only want to hear it back.

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If you have a health, nutrition, fitness, body image, dating & relationships or sex question, send me an email, use the Contact form on this blog or fill out the Ask Abbie form on my website About page or Written Word page.

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